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Friendliness- Lovers always become friends in the end -
Authentic Friendliness
Question 2 : Osho, What is real authentic friendliness?
The question you have asked is very complex. You will have to understand a few other things before you can understand what real authentic friendliness is.
The first is friendship. Friendship is love without any biological tones to it. It is not the friendship that you understand ordinarily -- the boyfriend, the girlfriend. To use the word friend in any way associated with biology is sheer stupidity. It is infatuation and madness. You are being used by biology for reproduction purposes. If you think you are in love, you are wrong; it is just hormonal attraction. Your chemistry can be changed and your love will disappear. Just an injection of hormones and a man can become a woman and a woman can become a man.
Friendship is love without any biological tones. It has become a rare phenomenon. It used to be a great thing in the past, but a few great things in the past have completely disappeared. It is a very strange thing that ugly things are stubborn, they don't die easily; and beautiful things are very fragile, they die and disappear very easily.
Today friendship is understood either in biological terms or in economic terms, or in sociological terms -- in terms of acquaintance, a kind of acquaintance.
But friendship means that if the need arises you will be ready even to sacrifice yourself. Friendship means that you have made somebody else more important than yourself; somebody else has become more precious than you yourself.
It is not a business. It is love in its purity.
This friendship is possible even the way you are now. Even unconscious people can have such a friendship. But if you start becoming more conscious of your being, then friendship starts turning into friendliness. Friendliness has a wider connotation, a far bigger sky.
Friendship is a small thing compared to friendliness. Friendship can be broken, the friend can turn into an enemy. That possibility remains intrinsic in the very fact of friendship.
I am reminded of Machiavelli giving guidance to the princes of the world in his great work, THE PRINCE. One of his guidelines is, Never tell anything to your friend which you would not be able to say to your enemy, because the person who is a friend today may turn into an enemy tomorrow.
And the suggestion following that is, Never say anything against the enemy, because the enemy can turn into a friend tomorrow. Then you will be very embarrassed. Machiavelli is giving a very clear insight: that our ordinary love can change into hate, our friendship can become enmity any moment.
This is the unconscious state of man -- where love is hiding hate just behind it, where you hate the same person you love but you are not aware of it.
Friendliness becomes possible only when you are real, you are authentic, and you are absolutely aware of your being.
And out of this awareness, if love arises it will be friendliness. Friendliness can never change into its opposite. Remember this as a criterion, that the greatest values of life are only those which cannot change into their opposite; in fact there is no opposite.
You are asking, "What is real authentic friendliness?"
It will need a great transformation in you, Anand Shantideva, to have a taste of friendliness. As you are, friendliness is a faraway star. You can have a look at the faraway star, you can have a certain intellectual understanding, but it will remain only an intellectual understanding, not an existential taste.
Unless you have an existential taste of friendliness, it will be very difficult, almost impossible to make a distinction between friendship and friendliness.
Friendliness is the purest thing you can conceive about love. It is so pure that you cannot even call it a flower, you can only call it a fragrance which you can feel and experience, but you cannot catch hold of. It is there, your nostrils are full of it, your being is surrounded by it. You feel the vibe, but there is no way to catch hold of it; the experience is so big and so vast and our hands are too small.
I said to you that your question is very complex, not because of the question, but because of you. You are not yet at the point from where friendliness can become an experience.
Be real, be authentic and you will know the purest quality of love -- just a fragrance of love surrounding you always. And that quality of the purest love is friendliness. Friendship is addressed to someone, somebody is your friend.
Once Gautam Buddha was asked, "Does the enlightened man have friends?" and he said, "No." The questioner was shocked because he was thinking the man who is enlightened must have the whole world as his friend.
But Gautam Buddha is right, whether you are shocked or not. When he says, "The enlightened man has no friends," he is saying he cannot have friends because he cannot have enemies. They both come together. Friendliness he can have, but not friendship.
Friendliness is unfocused, unaddressed love. It is not any contract, spoken or unspoken. It is not from one individual to another individual; it is from one individual to the whole existence, of which man is only a small part, because trees are included, animals are included, rivers are included, mountains are included, stars are included. Everything is included in friendliness.
Friendliness is just the way of your being real and authentic; you start radiating it. It comes on its own accord, you don't have to bring it. Whoever comes close to you will feel the friendliness.
That does not mean that nobody will be your enemy. As far as you are concerned, you will not be an enemy of anyone, because you are no more a friend to anyone. But your height, your consciousness, your blissfulness, your silence, your peace will annoy many, will irritate many, will make many, without understanding you, your enemies.
In fact the enlightened men have more enemies than the unenlightened. The unenlightened may have a few enemies, a few friends. The enlightened men have almost the whole world antagonistic towards them, because the blind people cannot forgive the man who has eyes, and the ignorant cannot forgive one who knows. They cannot feel love towards a man who has attained to his fulfillment, because their egos are hurt.
Just the other day I received four letters from four different American prisons. All the four prisoners are asking for sannyas. One American prisoner has been reading my books. Since I was in that prison for one day, the authorities became interested, the prisoners became interested, so they must have ordered my books. The prisoner has been reading those books.
Although he is an American, he writes that "Osho, reading your books, listening to you on the television, and when you were in the prison for one day, I was also here" -- he has been there for almost five years. "It was a blissful experience for me and I will never forget the day we were together in the same cell; it has been the most important day of my life. And I have been carrying something in me which I want to express to you.
"You have not committed any sin -- of that I was absolutely certain the moment I saw you -- but to be innocent seems to be a greater crime than any other. And because you were talked about on the radio, on the television, your books were read all over the country, there came a moment when you were more important a figure than the president of America. That's what triggered the whole process of destroying your commune, imprisoning you -- just to humiliate you."
I was surprised that a prisoner would have such a deep insight. He is saying that "people like you are bound to be condemned, because even the greatest, most powerful people look like pygmies before your consciousness and your height. It is your fault," he is saying to me. "If you were not so successful, you would have been ignored. If your commune was not so successful, nobody would have bothered about you."
The enlightened man has no friends, no enemies, but only a pure love, unaddressed.
He is ready to pour into anybody's heart who is available. That is real authentic friendliness.
But such a man will provoke many egos, will hurt those who think they are very important and powerful people. The presidents and the queens and the prime ministers and the kings will become immediately worried, concerned. A man who has no power has suddenly become the focus of attention of the people, attracts more people than the people who have power and money and prestige. Such a man cannot be forgiven. He has to be punished whether he has committed any crime or not. And a man of enlightenment cannot commit a crime; that is just a sheer impossibility.
But to be innocent, to be friendly, to be loving for no reason at all, just to be yourself is enough to trigger many egos against you.
So when I say, "The enlightened man has no enemies," I mean that from his side he has no enemies. But from others' side, the greater his height, the more will be their antagonism against him, the more will be the enmity, hatred, condemnation. This is how it has been happening for centuries.
Nirvano was just telling me the other day that the day I was fined four hundred thousand dollars -- more than half a crore rupees -- knowing perfectly well that I don't possess a single paisa, a single cent, the attorney who was working for Nirvano told her, "They have done it again."
She asked him, "What are you saying?"
And he said, "Yes, they have done it again. They have again crucified Jesus, they have again punished a man who is utterly innocent -- but his innocence hurts their egos."
Shantideva, just an intellectual understanding will not be enough -- although it is good to have some intellectual understanding, because that may help you move towards existential experience. But only the experience will give you the full taste of the tremendous sweetness, the beauty, the godliness and the truth of love.
- Osho, "Satyam Shivam Sundram, #10"
Meditation needs not followers but friends.
Friendship exists between two persons; it is relationship. Friendliness is only a quality; it need not depend on any relationship. It is just the way you live your lire -- it is a friendly life. You are friendly to everything, to the whole existence. You are just a friend, not addressed to anybody in particular, but addressed to the whole, to all.
In friendship you make an exclusive relationship and you may remain inimical to many people. So enmity and friendship can exist together -- in fact you will have very few friends and many more enemies. But friendliness cannot have any enmity in it, it is inclusive, inclusive of all. And to know friendliness is to know the real juice of life. Life reveals its mysteries only to those who have come to the state of friendliness.
Religion, as it exists, creates enmity. The Christian is against the Hindu, the Hindu is against the Buddhist, the Buddhist is against the Mohammedan -- they create enmity. These religions are just political ideologies masquerading as religions, politics hiding behind the facade of religion. This is more dangerous than ordinary politics because at least the ordinary politics is honest, it does not hide itself, but these so-called religions are just politics pretending to be religious. These are more dangerous; this is more cunning, more deceptive, more poisoning.
A true religious person cannot have any enmity in him. That is the criterion of a true religious person. And it starts happening -- the more you move into meditation, the more you become silent, the more you become aware, it starts happening naturally: the friend in you is born. And the day the friend is born you have fulfilled sannyas.
Sannyas is a birth process. Its culmination is in that ultimate peak called friendliness.
(He'd like to replace the words god and prayer -- and even love -- with friendliness, Osho declares to the last person for sannyas tonight.)
Meditation needs not followers but friends. The follower is stupid; he follows out of his stupidity: because he cannot depend on himself he starts depending on somebody else, but he is a slave, a psychological slave, and psychological slavery is a deeper slavery than all other slaveries. It is very subtle, you cannot see it, but you can feel it. The people who call god the father are just looking for a father figure; they want to depend on a father. Or there are religions which call god the mother -- it is the same, there is no difference at all.
These people are childish, they are not grown-ups. They may be old is age but psychologically they are retarded. All followers are retarded people. My sannyasins are not my followers but my friends.
Following comes through belief; friendship, friendliness is born out of meditation. So I don't give you any doctrine, I don't give you any philosophy. To me all those philosophical dogmas and great systems of thought are simply bullshit. But people are so interested in rotten things that they go on carrying all that load their whole life. They are just big words, jargon, esoteric jargon.
I am not interested at all in any kind of jargon. You have to be very simple with me because it is a question of enquiry. You need an innocent, silent, enquiring mind, not full of belief, not full of philosophy, just clean.
Sannyasins are fellow travellers. We don't have a church, we don't have a doctrine, a dogma, we don't have any beliefs; we share only one thing with each other, and that is meditation. All those who have gathered close to me are here just to learn meditation -- and meditation means silence, not chanting, not repeating a mantra. That is not meditation, that is just a simple process of auto-hypnosis.
Meditation means becoming aware and silent, watching your mind with all its game, trips, numbers. And the miracle is that if you can watch silently all those trips and numbers and games disappear. Just by simple watching they evaporate. One day you are there and the mind is no more. That sudden silence, that profound silence when the mind is not at all.... You look for it because you have become habituated with it, it is an old habit; you search for where it has gone and you cannot find it anywhere -- even if you go to the four corners of the world you will not find it... That state is silence, meditation, samadhi.
And out of that state is a new upsurge of energy. Call it love, call it friendliness, call it prayer -- because all these are aspects of it. But to call it friendliness is the best, because if you call it prayer it stinks of old religion; if you call it god many people withdraw, they become afraid -- god has tortured them enough. In the name of god so much stupidity has happened on the earth that it is time to quit.
But if you call it friendliness nobody is offended. It has never been called friendliness, hence I call it friendliness. The word is fresh and young, without any old associations.
My sannyasins are friends -- friends to me, friends to each other, friends to the whole existence.
-Osho, “Going All the Way, #25“
The Art of Being Friendly
Buddha says:
TO HAVE FRIENDS IN NEED IS SWEET AND TO SHARE HAPPINESS.
He emphasized friendship very much. To translate his word for friendship — Maitri — is a little difficult because it has the quality of friendliness more than friendship. Friendship becomes a relationship, fixed; friendliness is more flowing, more fluid. Friendship is a relationship; friendliness is a state of your being. You are simply friendly; to whom, that is not the point. If you are standing by the side of a tree you are friendly to the tree, or if you are sitting on the rock, you are friendly to the rock. To human beings, to animals, to birds, you are simply friendly. It is not something static; it is a flow, changing moment to moment.
He says: To have friends in need is sweet.
Friendliness is one of the most significant qualities for the seeker to develop; it is really sweet. It makes your whole life full of sweet music, full of sweet harmony.
In the Buddha’s vision, it is higher than so-called love. Your so-called love is tethered to your biology; friendliness is freedom from biology. The ordinary so-called love is the same in human beings as it is in animals, as it is in the trees. It is sex-oriented. It is only a sugarcoating around the bitter pill of sex. In fact, if love is taken away from your sex, sex will look very ridiculous. It is because of the sugarcoating that you can swallow the pill. [....]
Friendship is a higher phenomenon. It is pure love; it has nothing to do with your biology. Ordinary love — can be explained through biology, but friendship cannot be explained. It is a mystery. Friendship is like fragrance; love is gross, because of its sexuality, because of its origins. It is a little heavy. It functions under the law of gravitation: it goes on falling downwards, it has no wings. Friendship has wings. It is nonbiological; it makes you really human, it helps you to transcend your animality.
Buddha praises friendship, friendliness, very highly. He has even chosen that when he comes back again his name will be Maitreya -- the friend. He must have loved the word very much. I don't think he will come again or anybody ever comes again. God never makes the same mistake again, remember! Once is more than enough, twice will be too much. But he must have loved the word so much that he says, "Next time, if I am at all going to come, my name is going to be Maitreya -- the friend." The word contains his whole philosophy.
He says: TO HAVE FRIENDS... IS SWEET.
Why is it sweet? -- because with friends your relationship is not physiological, it is not even psychological; it is a spiritual communion. With friends you can sit in silence. When you are with your lover you can't sit in silence; silence looks awkward. The woman will think, "Why are you silent? Are you angry or something?" And if she is silent you will think something is wrong -- she is sulking. Why is she so silent? Silence becomes heavy, a burden; it has to be removed.
So people go on talking, whether it is needed or not. They go on talking about anything. [....]
You can share your happiness only with friends. Sharing is possible only when two hearts are open to each other; only in deep trust can you be open to the other. In fear you are closed, in doubt you are closed. You are on guard. You are afraid the other may be some danger to you, the other may do some harm. You are not vulnerable when you are in fear. Only with friends you can be vulnerable, open, available. Then sharing is possible. And sharing is one of the greatest spiritual qualities.
The miracle is that the more you share your bliss, the more you have it. The more you share, the more it comes to you. The more you share, the more you become aware of an inexhaustible source within yourself.
Happiness is great in itself, but to share it makes it immensely rich, multidimensionally rich. If one is a miser about one's happiness he will kill it. To hoard your happiness is to destroy it; to spread it far and wide is to help it grow more and more. Miserliness is very dangerous as far as bliss is concerned.
But with whom you will share if you don't have friends, if you don't know the art of being friendly? If you know the art of being friendly you can share with as many people as possible, with as many animals as possible, with as many trees as possible. You can go on sharing every moment of your life because you are always with someone. You can share it with the sun, with the moon, with the stars.
No distance prevents. You can share your bliss with a friend who is far far away, thousands of miles away from you. In that moment of sharing spaces disappear, time disappears. There is no time gap, no space gap. You are suddenly together. You can even share with friends who are no longer alive. In deep communion they become available to you, nonphysically.
AND TO HAVE DONE SOMETHING GOOD BEFORE LEAVING THIS LIFE IS SWEET, AND TO LET GO OF SORROW.
Friendship is good, it is virtue. Sharing your joy is good, it is great virtue. In fact, all other virtues are by-products of sharing your bliss. Sharing is the very foundation, the source. Share your truth, share your meditation, share your love. Share whatsoever inner beauty arises in you, whatsoever inner glow arises in you. Share your inner flame and never be a miser, and you will become richer and richer, and there is no end to that richness.
In the ordinary world sharing will make you poor. If you share your money you will become poor. You have to be a hoarder, you have to be miserly. In the inner world just the opposite is the case: hoard, and you will lose; share, and you will have it.
In the inner world a totally different kind of law exists. There you can have your cake and eat it too. And it would be better if you don't eat it alone, if you invite your friends to eat with you.
- Osho, "The Dhammapada - The Way of the Buddha, Vol 9, #7"
Three types of Relationships
In a man's life there are three types of relationships. There are relationships of the intellect, which cannot be very deep. The relationship between a teacher and a student is this type of relationship.
There are relationships of love, which are deeper than the intellect. The relationships between a mother and child, between brothers, between husband and wife are these types of relationships.
They arise from the heart. Then there are even deeper relationships, which arise from the navel. I call the relationships which arise from the navel, friendships. They go deeper than love. Love can end; friendship never ends. We can hate tomorrow those whom we love today - but the one who is a friend can never become an enemy. If he becomes an enemy then know that there was no friendship in the first place.
The relationships of friendship are of the navel - they are relationships of deeper and unknown realms. That is why Buddha did not tell people to love each other. He called the relationship 'friendship'. He had a reason for this - he said that there should be friends in your life. Somebody even asked Buddha, "Why do you not call it love?" Buddha replied, "Friendship is a much deeper thing than love. Love can end, friendship never ends."
Love binds, friendship gives freedom. Love can enslave somebody. It can possess, it can become a master. Friendship does not become someone's master, it does not hold anyone back, it does not imprison - it frees. Love becomes a bondage because the lovers insist that the other should not not love anyone else but himself.
Friendship has no such insistence. One man can have thousands of friends, millions of friends, because friendship is a very vast, very deep experience. It arises from the deepest center of life.
That is why friendship ultimately becomes the greatest way to take us towards the divine. One who is a friend to all will reach the divine sooner or later, because his relationships are happening with everyone's navel center. And some day or other he is bound to become related to the navel center of the universe.
One's relationships in life should not be merely intellectual, they should not be only heartful - they should be deeper, they should be of the navel.
- Osho, "The Inner Journey, #2"
Why its difficult for men and women to be Friends?- Marriage and Friendship -
Question : Osho, Why is it so difficult for men and women to be Friends? It Seems so ordinary, and turns out to be almost Impossible. Either there is an ugly compromise -- like man and wife -- Or else Passion that eventually turns into Hate. Why is There always ugliness between men and women?
It is very simple to understand. Marriage is the ugliest institution invented by man. It is not natural; it has been invented so that you can monopolize a woman. You have been treating women as if they were a piece of land, or some currency notes. You have reduced the woman to a thing. Remember that if you reduce any human being to a thing -- unaware, unconscious -- you are also being reduced to the same status; otherwise, you will not be able to communicate. If you can talk with a chair, you must be a chair.
Marriage is against nature. You can be certain only of this moment that is in your hands. All promises for tomorrow are lies -- and marriage is a promise for your whole life, that you will remain together, that you will love each other, that you will respect each other till your last breath. And these priests, who are the inventors of many ugly things, say to you that marriages are made in heaven. Nothing is made in heaven; there is no heaven. If you listen to nature, your problems, your questions will simply evaporate.
The problem is: biologically man is attracted to woman, women are attracted to men, but that attraction cannot remain the same forever. You are attracted to something which is a challenge to get. You see a beautiful man, a beautiful woman; you are attracted. Nothing is wrong in it. You feel your heart beating faster. You would like to be with this woman or man, and the attraction is so tremendous that in that moment you think you would like to live with this woman forever.
Lovers don't deceive each other, they are saying the truth -- but that truth belongs to the moment. When lovers say to each other, "I cannot live without you," it is not that he is deceiving or she is deceiving, they mean it. But they don't know the nature of life. Tomorrow this same woman will not look so beautiful. As days pass, the man and the woman both will feel that they are imprisoned. They have know each other's geography completely. First it was an unknown territory to be discovered, now there is nothing to be discovered.
And to go on repeating the same words and the same acts looks mechanical, ugly. That's why passion turns into hate. The woman hates you, because you are going to do the same thing again. To prevent you, the moment the husband enters the house she goes to bed, she has a headache. She wants somehow not to get into the same rut. And the man is flirting with his secretary in the office; now she is an unknown territory. To me, it is all nature. What is unnatural is binding people in the name of religion, in the name of God, for their whole life.
In a better, more intelligent world, people will love, but will not make any contracts. It is not a business! They will understand each other, and they will understand the changing flux of life. They will be true to each other. The moment the man feels that now his beloved holds no joy for him, he will say that the time has come to part. There is no need for marriage, there is no need for divorce. Then friendship will be possible. You ask me why friendship is not possible between men and women.... Friendship is not possible between the jailer and the imprisoned.
Friendship is possible between equal human beings, totally free from all bondage of society, culture, civilization, only living true to their authentic nature. It is not an insult to the woman to say, "Honey, the honeymoon is over." It is not an insult to the man if the woman says, "Now things cannot be beautiful. The wind that has blown is no longer there. The season has changed, it is no longer spring between us; no flowers blossom, no fragrance arises. It is time to part." And because there is no legal bondage of marriage, there is no question of any divorce.
It is ugly that the court and the law and the state interfere in your private life -- you have to ask their permission. Who are they? It is a question between two individuals, their private affair. There will be only friends -- no husbands, no wives. Of course, if there is only friendship, passion will never turn into hate. The moment you feel passion disappearing, you will say good-bye, and it will be understood. Even if it hurts, nothing can be done about it -- it is the way of life.
But man has created societies, cultures, civilizations, rules, regulations, and made the whole humanity unnatural. That's why men and women cannot be friends. And men and women either become husbands and wives -- which is something absolutely ugly; they start owning each other.... People are not things, you cannot have ownership. If I feel your wife is beautiful, and approach her, you are angry, you are ready to fight because I am approaching your property. No wife is anybody's property, no husband is anybody's property.
What kind of world have you created? People are reduced to properties; then there is jealousy, hatred. You yourself know that you are attracted to the neighbor's wife; naturally, you can guess about your wife too. Your wife knows perfectly well she is attracted to somebody else, but she cannot approach that person because of the husband: he is standing there with a gun! Love is bound to turn into hate, and for the whole life the hate goes on accumulating. And out of this hatred do you think beautiful children are going to be born?
They are not born out of love, but out of duty. It is the wife's duty to allow you to use her. To tell the truth, there is no difference between wives and prostitutes. The difference is just like the difference between having your own car or going in a taxi. A prostitute is purchased only for a few hours; wives are a long-term affair, it is economical. Royal families are not allowed to marry outside royal blood: status, money, power.... Nobody can love anybody in such circumstances, where the relationship is financial.
The woman is dependent on you because you earn. And for centuries men have not allowed women to be educated, to be in business, to have jobs, for the simple reason that if the woman has her own financial status, her own bank account, you cannot reduce her to a thing. She has to be dependent on you. And do you think anybody who has to be dependent on you will love you? Every woman wants to kill the husband. It is another matter that she does not kill him -- because if she kills him, what will she do?
She is not educated, she has no experience of the society, she has no way of earning. The husband -- every husband, I don't make any exceptions -- wants to get rid of the woman. But he cannot get rid of her. There are children, and he himself has promised the woman thousands of times that he loves her. When he goes to his job he kisses the woman; there is no love in it, just skeletons touching each other. Nobody is present.
Man has created a society in which friendship between man and woman is impossible.
I would like my people to remember - even though you have to follow the laws of the society; otherwise they will imprison you and punish you and kill you... but Remember, friendship is so valuable that whatsoever the consequence, remain friends even with your wife, even with your husband, and allow absolute and total freedom to each other.
I don't see any problem. If I love a woman, and one day she says that she has fallen in love with somebody else and feels very happy, I will be happy. I love her, and I would like her to be happy -- where is the problem? I will help her in every way so that she can be more happy. If she can be more happy with somebody else, what hurts me?
It is your ego that hurts: she has found somebody else who is better than you. It is not a question of better, it may be just your chauffeur -- it is just a question of a little change. And if you give full freedom to each other, perhaps you can remain together for your whole life, or for the whole eternity, because there is no need to get rid of each other. Marriage creates the need to get rid of each other, because it means freedom is taken away -- and freedom is the highest value in human life.
Make all the couples free, and you will be surprised, this very world becomes paradise. here are other problems. You have children -- what to do with children? My answer is that children should not belong to their parents, they should belong to the commune. Then there is no problem. The parents can meet the children, they can invite the children, they can be friends with their children; and yet the children are not dependent on them, they belong to the commune. And it will destroy many psychological problems.
If a boy knows only his mother, the mother's personality becomes an imprint on him. Now, his whole life he will be trying to find a woman who is like his mother -- and he will never find such a woman. A girl will never find another man who is exactly a copy of her father. Then you cannot be satisfied with any woman, any man. But if the children belong to the commune, they will come in contact with so many uncles and so many aunts -- they will not carry a single picture in their minds.
They will have a vague idea of womanhood or manhood, and to that idea, many people of the commune will have contributed; it will be multidimensional. There is a possibility of finding somebody, because you only have a vague idea. You can find somebody, and that person will make your vague idea solid, a reality. Right now you have a solid idea within you, and you meet a vague person. Sooner or later there is disappointment. And children belonging to the commune will learn much, will be more friendly, will be more available to all kinds of influences.
They will be richer. A child being brought up by a couple is very poor. He does not know that there are millions of people with different minds, different kinds of beauty. If a child moves in the commune, naturally he will be far richer. And he will have known so much before he decides to be with someone that there is a possibility of a long friendship. What happens now? You see a girl on the beach and you fall in love. You know nothing about the girl, you know only her make-up.
Tomorrow morning when you get up and the make-up is gone, you will say, "My God! What have I done? This is not the woman I married, this is someone else!" But you cannot go against your word either. And if you do, then the government is there, the courts are there to put you back into your right place. This is a very ugly situation, sick. People should be given freedom to know each other, to know as many people as possible, because each person is so unique, there is no question of comparison. Let the child drink from many sources, and he will have some insight into who is going to be the right person to live with.
Nobody will fall in love; everybody will decide consciously that "This is the one." He has known so many people, he understands that this is the one who has those characteristics, those qualities that he has loved. And then too it is only going to be a friendship. There is no fear; if tomorrow things change there is no harm. The society should not live in a routine way, in a fixed way -- static, dormant -- it should be a moving flux. One woman can give you a certain kind of joy, another woman can give you another kind of joy.
A third woman will be a surprise. So why remain poor"? -- just because Jesus has said, "Blessed are the poor"? Be richer in every dimension, and keep yourself open and available. And whoever you are with, let the other person understand clearly that "It is freedom between us, not a marriage license. Out of freedom we meet, with no promises for the future -- because who knows the future?"
When I was a student in the university in my final master's course, one girl was very much interested in me. She was a beautiful girl, but my interest was not in women at that time. I was crazy in search of God! After the examinations, when she was leaving the university.... She had waited -- I knew it -- she had waited and waited for me to approach her. That is the usual way, that the man approaches the woman; it is graceful for the woman not to approach the man.
Strange idea... I don't understand. Whoever approaches, it is graceful. If fact, whoever initiates is courageous. When we were leaving the university she said, "Now there is no chance." She took me aside and said, "For two years continuously I have been waiting. Can't we be together for our whole lives? I love you."
I said, "If you love me, then please leave me alone. I also love you, that's why I am leaving you alone -- because I know what has been happening in the name of love.
People are becoming imprisoned, chained; they lose all their joy, life becomes a drag. So this is my parting advice to you," I said, "Never try to cling to a person for your whole life." If two persons are willingly together today, it is more than enough. If tomorrow again they feel like being together, good. If they don't, it is their personal affair; nobody has to interfere. Up to now, the problem of the children has always been raised. My answer is that children should belong to the commune.
They can go to their parents, whether their parents are together or separate. And they should learn from their parents that love is no slavery, it is freedom. And they should move in the commune, tasting, enjoying different qualities of different people. So by the time they decide, their decision will be not just a foolish type of "falling in love"; it will be a very considered, contemplated, meditated phenomenon. There is a possibility they may remain together for their whole lives. In fact, if there is freedom, there is more possibility; more people will remain together.
If marriage disappears, divorce disappears automatically. This is a by-product of marriage. Nobody takes note of the simple fact: why for centuries have there been prostitutes? Who created them? Who is responsible for these poor women? It is the institution of marriage. You are bored with your wife; just for a change you go to a woman who is not going to be a bondage -- because one is enough, two will be too much. It is just a temporary, few hours' meeting. You can keep yourself lovely for a few hours, loving for a few hours.
She can keep herself lovely and loving for a few hours. And moreover, she has been paid for it. Around the world millions of women are reduced to selling their bodies. Who has done it? Your political leaders, your religious leaders. I consider these people criminals. And not ordinary criminals, because for centuries the whole humanity has been suffering because of these few idiots. But you have to start with yourself, there is no other way. If you love somebody, then freedom should be the connecting link between you.
And if you see your woman tomorrow hugging somebody else, there is no need to be jealous. She is being enriched, she is tasting a little newness -- just the way you go sometimes to a Chinese restaurant! It is good. You will come back to your own food, but the Chinese restaurant has helped you; you may relish your own food more. But after a few days, again -- that's how the mind is -- you are moving towards an Italian restaurant... spaghetti. I cannot even tolerate somebody eating spaghetti in front of me!
But that is my problem. Life is so simple and so beautiful, just one thing is missing: freedom. If your wife is being with some other people, soon she will come back to you enriched, with new insight. And she will find something in you she had never found before. And meanwhile, you need not just sit down in your chair and beat your head. You also gain experience, so that by the time your woman is back you are also new. You have also been to the Chinese restaurant. Life should be a joy, a rejoicing. And then only can there be friendship between men and women; otherwise, they are going to remain intimate enemies.
- Osho, "From the False to the Truth, #15"
Lovers always become friends in the end
[Osho asks a sannyasin about her relationship and she replies: Well, I feel good, and it’s the nicest thing that has happened to me for a very long time. But what’s happening is that he wants me to just be a friend – and I want more than that. He says that he cares about me, but he is not turned on by me…. ]
Don’t insist for more, just friendship is perfectly good. There are two possibilities for every human being. One is that you fall in love, and by and by friendship grows out of that. Lovers always become friends in the end – and if they cannot, then somewhere they have missed and something has gone wrong – because by and by the passion settles.
Passion is a very very excited state of mind which you cannot live in for very long. By the time the honeymoon is over, so is the passion. Then friendship arises. So this is one possibility – that two people fall in love. There is tremendous passion; they are almost in a cyclone, lost. They move at the peaks, they have completely forgotten the valleys for a few days.
But nobody can live at the peak; at the most you can be there for a holiday. One settles in the valley. So by and by a love relationship settles and becomes calm and tranquil and harmonious – then friendship arises. Husband and wife become like brother and sister. But there are problems, because once the fever has gone, the woman starts thinking that the man doesn’t love her enough now, and the man thinks the same of the woman.
But the other possibility is that you start as friends, without any passion. The trouble will be that the mind will be asking for passion in the beginning. If you can drop that and not be worried about it, you can grow in friendship, so that by and by without any passion or peak you will come to the valley and settle in it.
And my feeling is that if love starts by friendship, though it may be difficult in the beginning, in the end it is very very beautiful, because you never miss anything. If from the beginning a friendship can remain a friendship, it will go deeper; it will not go higher, but it will go deeper and will settle. This type of relationship is difficult in the beginning, and the other type is easy to begin with, but difficult in the end. In fact if you look at the whole, both are the same. So don’t make it a problem, or [your boyfriend] will start escaping!
- Osho, “Hammer on The Rock, #30”
Am I a real friend to somebody?
Question : I have many friends, but the question, ‘who is a real friend?’, arises in my mind.
You are asking from the wrong end. Never ask, "Who is my real friend?" Ask, "Am I a real friend to somebody?" That is the right question. Why are you worried about others - whether they are friends to you or not?
The proverb is: A friend in need is a friend indeed. But deep down that is greed! That is not friendship, that is not love. You want to use the other as a means, and no man is a means, every man is an end unto himself. Why are you so worried about who is a real friend?
[....]
Why are you worried?
The real question has to be: Am I friendly to people? Do you know what friendship is?
It is the highest form of love. In love, some lust is bound to be there; in friendship, all lust disappears. In friendship nothing gross remains; it becomes absolutely subtle.
It is not a question of using the other, it is not even a question of needing the other, it is a question of sharing. You have too much and you would like to share. And whosoever is ready to share your joy with you, your dance, your song, you will be grateful to him, you will feel obliged. Not that he is obliged to you, not that he should feel thankful to you because you have given so much to him. A friend never thinks in that way. A friend always feels grateful to those people who allow him to love them, to give them whatsoever he has got.
Love is greed. You will be surprised to know that the English word 'love' comes from a Sanskrit word LOBH; lobh means greed. How lobh became love is a strange story. In Sanskrit it is greed; the original root means greed. And love as we know it is really nothing but greed masquerading as love - it is hidden greed.
Satyam, making friendships with the idea of using people is taking a wrong step from the very beginning. Friendship has to be a sharing. If you have something, share it - and whosoever is ready to share with you is a friend. It is not a question of need. It is not a question that when you are in danger the friend has to come to your aid. That is irrelevant - he may come, he may not come, but if he does not come you don't have any complaint. If he comes you are grateful, but if he does not come, it's perfectly okay. It is his decision to come or not to come. You don't want to manipulate him, you don't want to make him feel guilty. You will not have any grudge. You will not say to him that "When I was in need you didn't turn up - what kind of friend are you?"
Friendship is not something of the marketplace. Friendship is one of those rare things which belong to the temple and not to the shop. But you are not aware of that kind of friendship, you will have to learn it.
Friendship is a great art. Love has a natural instinct behind it; friendship has no natural instinct behind it. Friendship is something conscious; love is unconscious. You fall in love with a woman.... Why do we say "falling in love"? That phrase is significant:
"falling in love." Nobody ever rises in love, everybody FALLS in love! Why do you fall in love? - because it is falling from the conscious to the unconscious, from intelligence to instinct.
What we call love is more animalistic than human. Friendship is absolutely human. It has something for which there is no inbuilt mechanism in your biology; it is nonbiological. Hence one rises in friendship, one does not fall in friendship. It has a spiritual dimension.
But don't ask, "Who is a real friend?" Ask, "Am I a real friend?" Always be concerned with yourself. We are always thinking about others. The man asks whether the woman really loves him or not. The woman asks whether the man really loves her or not. And how can you be absolutely certain about the other? It is impossible! He may repeat a thousand times that he loves you and he will love you forever, but still the doubt is bound to persist: "Who knows whether he is speaking the truth or not?" In fact, repeating something a thousand times simply means it must be a lie, because truth need not be repeated so much.
Adolf Hitler in his autobiography says, "There is not much difference between truth and a lie. The only difference is that truth is a lie repeated so often that you have forgotten that it is a lie."
That's what the experts in advertisement will say: go on repeating, go on advertising.
Don't be worried about whether anybody is listening or not. Even if they are not paying any attention, don't be worried; their subliminal minds are listening, their deepest core is being impressed. You don't look at advertisements very consciously, but just passing through them in the movie, on TV or in the newspaper, just a glance and there is an imprint. And it is going to be repeated again: "Lux toilet soap" or "Coca-Cola"....
Coca-Cola is the only international thing. Even in Soviet Russia: "Coca-Cola...."
Everything American is banned and barred, but not Coca-Cola. Coca-Cola is the only international thing! Go on repeating it!
In the beginning electricity was used for advertisements - static electricity was used. It remained "Coca-Cola." But later on they discovered that if you put it on and off it is far more effective, because a man passing by will read it only once if the light remains static. But if it changes, goes on and off again and again, by the time you pass it, even in a car, you will have read it at least five to seven times: "Coca-Cola, Coca-Cola, Coca- Cola...." That goes deeper. And sooner or later you become impressed.
That's how all the religions have lived up to now: they go on repeating the same stupid beliefs, but those beliefs become truths to people. People are ready to die for them!
Now, nobody has seen where heaven is, but millions of people have died for heaven.
Mohammedans say that if you die in a religious war you will immediately go to heaven and all your sins are forgiven. And Christians also say that in a religious war, in a crusade, if you die you immediately go to heaven; then everything else is forgiven. And millions of people have died and killed others, believing that this is a truth.
We have seen such things happening even in this twentieth century; it doesn't seem to be very grown-up in that way. Adolf Hitler repeated for twenty years continuously that "Jews are the cause of all misery," and a very intelligent nation like Germany started believing in him. What to say about ordinary people? - even people like Martin Heidegger, one of the greatest philosophers Germany has produced in this century, believed that Adolf Hitler was right. He supported Adolf Hitler.
A man of the intelligence of Martin Heidegger supporting a stupid, mad person like Adolf Hitler! What must the secret be? The secret is: repeat, go on repeating. Even Jews started believing that it must be true: "We must be the cause; otherwise how could so many intelligent people believe it? If so many people believe it, there must be something in it!"
You have been brought up with such beliefs, such ideas, which have no foundation in reality. And if you go on living according to them you will live in vain. You have to go through a radical change.
Ask questions about yourself, don't ask about others. It is impossible to be certain of the other and there is no need either. How can you be certain of the other? The other is a flux. This moment the other person may be loving, and the next moment he may not be loving. There can be no promise. You can only be certain about yourself, and that too only for the moment. And there is no need to think of the whole future. Think in terms of the moment and the present. Live in the present.
If this moment is full of friendship and the fragrance of friendship, why be worried about the next moment? The next moment will be born out of this moment. It is bound to be of a higher, deeper quality. It will bring the same fragrance to a higher altitude.
There is no need to think about it - just live the moment in deep friendship.
And friendship need not be addressed to anyone in particular; that is also a rotten idea, that you have to be friends with a certain person - just be friendly. Rather than creating friendship, create friendliness. Let it become a quality of your being, a climate that surrounds you, so you are friendly with whomsoever you come in contact.
This whole existence has to be befriended! And if you can befriend existence, existence will befriend you a thousandfold. It returns to you in the same coin but multiplied. It echoes you. If you throw stones at existence you will be getting back many more stones.
If you throw flowers, flowers will be coming back.
Life is a mirror, it reflects your face. Be friendly, and all of life will reflect friendliness.
People know perfectly well that if you are friendly to a dog even the dog becomes friendly to you, so friendly. And there are people who have known that if you are friendly to a tree, the tree becomes friendly to you.
Try great experiments in friendships. Try with a rosebush, and see the miracle: slowly slowly, it will happen, because man has not been behaving with trees in a friendly way; hence they have become very much afraid.
But now scientists say that when you come with an axe to cut down a tree, even before you have started cutting it, the tree goes into a shiver, a cold shiver. It goes into a great fear, panic. You have not even started, but just the intention - as if the tree becomes aware of your intention! Now they have sophisticated instruments just like cardiographs, which can make graphs on paper showing what the tree is feeling. When the tree is feeling joyous, there is a rhythm in the graph; when the tree is feeling afraid, the fear is shown on the graph. When the tree sees the friend coming it rejoices, it jumps, it dances; the graph immediately shows a dance. When the tree sees the gardener coming....
Have you ever said hello to a tree? Try it, and one day you will be surprised: the tree also says hello in her tongue, in her own language. Hug a tree, and a day will come soon when you will feel that it was not only you who were hugging the tree - the tree was responding, you were also hugged by the tree, although the tree has no hands. But it has its own way of expressing its joy, its sadness, its anger, its fear.
The whole existence is sensitive. That's what I mean when I say that existence is God.
Be friendly, Satyam, and don't be worried whether anybody is friendly towards you or not - that is a businesslike question. Why be worried? Why not transform the whole existence into a friend towards you? Why miss such a great kingdom?
- Osho, “The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha, Vol. 6, #2”
Friendliness rises higher than love
The very word "friendship" is not of the heights - the word "friendliness" rises to the moon, to the sun - because the word "friendship" is just of the mind. It is confining - you can be in friendship with only a few people. But friendliness is vast; you can be friendly to the trees, to the mountains, to the stars.
Friendship is hiding a bondage too. All words like "relationship," "friendship," are superficial.
Lovingness, friendliness, have a totally different meaning. When you are talking about friendship it is a very small thing - a kind of bondage, and dependence on the person with whom you feel the friendship.
But friendliness is freedom - you are not dependent on anybody. Friendship is objective, and friendliness is your love shared unconditionally with the whole existence. They don't mean the same thing. Friendship can become any moment its opposite - the so-called friend can turn into your enemy. But friendliness has no particular address. It is not for anybody, it is for the whole existence. It can never turn into its opposite.
Remember, that which can turn into its opposite very easily - and you know friends become enemies, enemies become friends - is very superficial, a false substitute. But friendliness is not addressed to anyone; it is the love overflowing within you, unconditionally. There is no possibility of it turning bitter - you are the master of it. In friendship you are not the master. Friendship is like marriage, an artificial thing, but friendliness is your very nature.
AND A YOUTH SAID, SPEAK TO US OF FRIENDSHIP. AND HE ANSWERED, SAYING: YOUR FRIEND IS YOUR NEEDS ANSWERED.
This is an ugly statement, but it is a logical consequence because he has not changed the basic question. He should have told the youth that friendship is worthless; friendliness is invaluable....
your friend is your needs answered. I say it again: it is ugly, because friendship is demanding.
Friendliness simply gives its fragrance to all without any exception - and it is fulfilled in giving it. It is not a need; it is an overflowing love. You can be friendly with the trees, you can be friendly with the stars, but there is no demand, no condition. Of course your needs will be fulfilled, but not because you have been demanding. Your friendliness will bring you tremendous treasures. Make a clear distinction between these two words.
Friendship is a prison. Friendliness is absolute freedom.
You give out of your abundance; it is not a need. Of course, existence understands that the person who is giving without any demands is a rare being. Existence takes care of your needs, but they are not demanded. Even if it does not fulfill your needs, it simply shows that deep down in your unconscious you are clinging to the idea of friendship. Only fools can be deceived just by changing the words.
Existence is so abundant; just don't ask.
Because Kahlil Gibran remained a Christian.... Although he was a great intellectual, he was not a meditator. He is repeating Jesus Christ in different words; Jesus says, "Ask and it shall be given."
He reduces you into a beggar. I say unto you, "Never ask and you will receive it. Ask and you are not going to get it." Your very asking is ugly.
Jesus says, "Seek and you will find." I say to you, "Just be silent, a nobody, and existence will pour into you from all directions" - because the man who seeks is still seeking decorations for his ego, and existence does not understand the language of ego. No tree is an egoist, no mountain is an egoist, no bird is an egoist, but existence goes on and on giving them all that they need or even more than they need.
Jesus says, "Knock and the door shall be opened." These are superficial statements, because I know there is no door where you can knock. God is all over the place. Don't knock - that is violence.
Just wait.
Your waiting... you will be mature in your waiting. You will become capable of receiving, open. God always comes as a gift. God always comes to the emperors, not to the beggars. You need not go to God - and even if you want to, where are you going to find Him? He can find you because He is the whole.
Neither ask nor seek nor knock on the door - trust. If you are worthy, ripe, the spring is bound to come with thousands of flowers in your being.
Your friend is your needs answered.... The statement is Jewish, business-like.
Love is not a business. Love is the song of your soul.
Friendship is the fragrance of that love, and winds will carry it over the seas, over the mountains to the faraway stars.
Love is not getting. Love is giving - and so is friendliness.
HE IS YOUR FIELD WHICH YOU SOW WITH LOVE AND REAP WITH THANKSGIVING.
Sounds good; Kahlil Gibran is a genius in finding beautiful words, but he knows nothing. Even behind his beautiful words and poetry there is darkness, unconsciousness. He is your field.... A friend is your field? You are going to exploit the field by sowing with love? It does not matter - your love is not for the friend, your love is for reaping the crop.
And reap with thanksgiving.... It will be very strange to you that friends are one soul in two bodies.
There is no question of thanksgiving, it is understood in silence. It is not the ugly "thank you," which is just a formality. And... SOW WITH LOVE.... You are going to exploit the friend. How can you sow with love? Your love is a facade, a bribe, a persuasion - because of your love the friend will become a field for you. But your real interest is sowing the seeds and reaping the crop, and your thanksgiving is empty. If the friend has not given you anything, your thanksgiving will disappear.
Hence I say to you: Give, share with love, with no desire in your heart lurking anywhere for return, and the question of thanksgiving then takes a new dimension. You are thankful that the friend received your love, received your songs, received your abundance.
You should be thankful not because you have received from the friend; you should be thankful that he has not rejected. He had every right to reject. He was humble and he was understanding. Feel grateful, but for a totally different reason.
AND HE IS YOUR BOARD AND YOUR FIRESIDE.
What nonsense is he talking about? It hurts me because he is a very sensitive man. And he is your board and your fireside - your friend? You should be a board for your friend and you should be a fireside for your friend. That is the difference between friendship and friendliness. I can forgive the youth who asked the question, but I cannot forgive Kahlil Gibran who is giving the answer.
WHEN YOUR FRIEND SPEAKS HIS MIND YOU FEAR NOT THE "NAY" IN YOUR OWN MIND, NOR DO YOU WITHHOLD THE "AY."
Why should one be afraid of a friend? - then what are you going to do with the enemy? So when the friend speaks his mind, don't be afraid to say "no," because he will understand. And...nor do you withhold the "ay."
What is friendliness? If you cannot expose your heart, naked, in friendliness then you are a cunning businessman. You think of profit, you think of future, you think of the response.
Although you are feeling to say no, you are afraid that the friendship will be destroyed by your no.
And he is your need, he is your board, he is your field... are you a cannibal?
It shows the secrets of a cunning mind: Say yes when you know that he will be happy, say no only when you are certain that he will be happy. You are not being honest, straightforward.
If you cannot be honest with a friend, with whom are you going to be honest? That's why I say:
friendliness is a far greater and higher value. It can say no without any fear, because it knows the friend will understand, and he will be grateful to you that you were not deceiving him.
Friendliness means: standing exposed to each other, because you have a trust. Friendship is a very poor thing.
AND WHEN HE IS SILENT YOUR HEART CEASES NOT TO LISTEN TO HIS HEART.
This is the split personality of Kahlil Gibran. In the very invention of Almustafa he is being political.
He is not speaking directly, he is speaking through Almustafa because Almustafa is only a fiction.
But it is a good security; people will take it as poetry, a fiction, beautiful.
He has been praised all over the world for this small book, THE PROPHET. Perhaps I am the first one who is trying to shift and create a clear-cut division between when he is honest and when he is not honest.
FOR WITHOUT WORDS, IN FRIENDSHIP, ALL THOUGHTS, ALL DESIRES....
He never goes beyond the mind. Friendliness is beyond the mind just as love is beyond the mind; in fact, friendliness rises higher even than love.
In the UPANISHADS there is a tremendous statement.... It has been a tradition in the East that when somebody gets married he goes with his wife to a seer, to a sage, for his blessings. And such a strange blessing does not exist anywhere in any literature, in any tradition.
The sage, the man of enlightenment, blesses them with the words, "You should give birth to ten children, and after that your husband will be your eleventh child." It looks absurd - the husband is going to be the eleventh child? - but it has such a profundity. You have loved enough, you have given birth to ten children; now it is time to rise above love itself. Even your husband is your eleventh child. Go beyond love, and merge and melt into friendship. Refine it to the point where it becomes friendliness; then neither are you a wife nor is the husband a husband, but you are two souls living together in friendliness.
ALL EXPECTATIONS ARE BORN AND SHARED, WITH JOY THAT IS UNACCLAIMED.
Love or friendliness have no expectations.
That is the beauty of friendliness - you don't expect anything, because wherever there is expectation, just behind it, like a shadow, is frustration. And you cannot dictate to the future; you don't even know what the future is going to be.
When I was a postgraduate in the university, one very beautiful girl was also studying the same subjects as me. For two years we remained studying the same subjects - philosophy, religion and psychology - and then finally we had to depart. She was a rich girl, the daughter of the collector of the city. I had gone out. Her car was waiting - and perhaps she was also waiting; there was no need for her to sit inside the car and wait. It took two years for her to say to me, "I have been very much frustrated. I wanted you to say to me, 'I love you.'"
I said, "Love is not an expectation; and if it is an expectation, frustration is bound to happen." Why does the whole world look so frustrated? For the simple reason that you have so many expectations.
I told the girl, "What you are saying today you should have told me the first time you started feeling love towards me."
She said, "The gone is gone; we cannot go back to the past. But this is my last day in the city. I was staying with my father here, because he is the collector, but my whole family lives in New Delhi. By the evening I will be gone. So I gathered courage and asked you, 'I love you. Can you not promise me that whenever you will love I should be given the priority?'"
I said, "I cannot promise about the future - the future is absolutely unknown. I cannot even promise for tomorrow or the next moment." To me, promising shows the retardedness of the mind. Every promise is going to be a trouble because you are unaware of a simple fact: the future is absolutely unknown.
Where you will land tomorrow nobody knows. Any promise is irreligious, because it shows a stupid mind that cannot understand the future. A religious person can neither expect - because that too is concerned with the future - nor can he promise, because that too is concerned with the future. The religious person lives in the moment. But he says, "When expectations from your friend...."
WHEN YOU PART FROM YOUR FRIEND, YOU GRIEVE NOT; FOR THAT WHICH YOU LOVE MOST IN HIM MAY BE CLEARER IN HIS ABSENCE.
There is some truth in it. Human mind is such that we start taking everything for granted, so only in absence do we become aware that that was our foolishness - to take something for granted.
We live our whole lives without friendliness, without love, because we had taken it for granted: "It is always somebody else who dies; I'm always alive." So you can postpone living. And everybody is postponing living, not knowing what the future contains for you.
I again insist and emphasize: Don't take anything for granted. Live in the moment.
And living in the moment will give you the strength to live in any other moments - if there is going to be a future. Your strength will go on growing. Otherwise... it is sad that there are many people who, when they are dying, realize for the first time, "My God, I was alive for seventy years but I went on postponing. And now there is no future to postpone to."
Never give any promises, because you may not be able to fulfill them. Make it clear, "I am not the owner of the future." But there are people who are promising about everything. To their lovers they are saying, "I will love you forever." These are the promises that become their imprisonments.
Say to your friends, to your lovers, "Only one moment is given to me at a time; not even two moments are given together. So this moment I can say absolutely that I love you, but for tomorrow it is impossible to say that I will love you. Yesterday I was not in love with you. Tomorrow perhaps the fragrance of love, just as it came without any advance notice, may leave. Then I will be in bondage to my own promise, ashamed of my own words."
Promising, keeping your word... the whole humanity has imprisoned itself. Live, and live totally, but now - because that is all that you have, for certain, in your hand. But I know the stupid minds of people. If you say to a woman, "I promise that I will love you this moment, but I cannot say about the next moment. Neither do I want any expectations from you, nor will I give any expectations to you; otherwise life is going to be a continual frustration...."
AND LET THERE BE NO PURPOSE IN FRIENDSHIP....
That is the strangeness of Kahlil Gibran, his split personality. He has to be sorted out - when he starts speaking as a Zorba, and when he starts speaking as a Buddha. He was never able to come to a synthesis between the two - the lowest and the highest.
AND LET THERE BE NO PURPOSE... SAVE THE DEEPENING OF THE SPIRIT.
But that too is a purpose. Sometimes people who have such clear eyes about everything in the world are absolutely unconscious about what they are saying. First he says: and let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit... but that too is a purpose. In fact if there is no purpose, the deepening of the spirit will happen of its own accord. It need not be mentioned; otherwise the sentence becomes contradictory. The first part and the second part are contradictory.
First he says: your friend is your needs answered... and now he says, "There should be no purpose in friendship." But what are your needs except purposes? Every purpose destroys the beauty of friendliness.
Friendliness should have no purposes, no needs - although this is a miracle of life, that if you have no purposes, no needs, your needs will be fulfilled, your purposes will be fulfilled. But that should not be in you mind; otherwise you don't have the friendliness, you don't have love.
FOR LOVE THAT SEEKS AUGHT BUT THE DISCLOSURE OF ITS OWN MYSTERY IS NOT LOVE BUT A NET CAST FORTH: AND ONLY THE UNPROFITABLE IS CAUGHT.
...love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love... because love is a mystery, and there is no way to make it open.
Love is like the roots of the trees, hidden deep in the earth. Share the fragrance, the flowers, the foliage, the greenery, but don't try to pull out the tree to see from where it is getting so many colors, so much fragrance, so much beauty, because that will be the death of the tree. The roots have to remain hidden, secret, a mystery - not that you want... but you cannot go against the laws of nature.
Share your fragrance, share your flowers. Dance in the moon, in the wind, in the rain. Have you seen this morning? - all the trees were so happy, dancing in the rain, throwing all the dust away, becoming fresh and young again. But the roots have to remain mysterious. Once you expose the roots, love is going to die. And it is unfortunate that every lover, every friend, is very curious to know your mystery, to know your secret. Lovers are fighting continually, saying, "You are hiding something."
Thousands of years... and man has come to conclude that it is impossible to understand the mystery of a woman, because she has deeper roots in the earth. Men's eyes are fixed towards the sky. It is idiotic - the effort to reach the moon. Now the effort is to reach Mars.
You are not able to live on this beautiful earth with peace and silence, with love, without boundaries of nations, without discriminations of color, without making half of the humanity - the woman - just a purchased prostitute, a life-long prostitute. You have not been able to figure out how to live on the earth, and your eyes are fixed on the moon.
Do you know that in English there is a word "lunatic"? It comes from the root "lunar." Lunar means "the moon." Man is a lunatic. In fact, to try to find out the mystery of your lover is being just as ugly as all Peeping Toms are. Nature does not want you to be demystified, because it is in mystery that love blossoms, friendliness dances.
It is good that neither men understand women, nor women understand men. There is no need for knowledgeability. What is needed is enough space for each other, so that your secrets and your mysteries remain hidden. It is because of that mystery that you have fallen in love. If you demystify the woman, the love may also disappear.
Knowledge is so meaningless, and mystery is so profound. Wonder about the mystery, but never question what it is; your friendliness, your love will know no bounds. The closer you will be, the more the mystery will go on deepening.
But Kahlil Gibran seems to be continually confused - and it is natural. Sometimes there are glimpses when he says tremendous truths, and sometimes there are moments when he falls back into darkness and starts talking like an idiot. In all the statements you can see it.
First he says: your friend is your needs answered... and second he says, "There should be no purpose." What are the needs if not purposes? And immediately he says, makes an exception, that the deepening of your soul should be your only purpose. In existence, in reality, there are no exceptions.
And look again...but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught. Purpose should not be there except the deepening of the soul - which is a by-product. And again he forgets what he is saying. Unprofitable - now it becomes almost the language of the businessman, not of a poet, because the unprofitable takes you to the higher realms of being. The profitable drags you down to the gravitation of the earth.
AND LET YOUR BEST BE FOR YOUR FRIEND.
He walks in a zigzag. I am not condemning him, I am simply making it clear that a man of his genius cannot see simple things in one statement. And let your best be for your friend... but tastes differ.
What is best for you may be worthless for your friend. Who are you to decide what is best for him? I will not say that. I will say, "Open your heart and allow the friend; whatsoever he choses is his."
IF HE MUST KNOW THE EBB OF YOUR TIDE, LET HIM KNOW ITS FLOOD ALSO.
That is just a truism. You should open your heart totally. Ebbs or tides, all should be available for the friend.
FOR WHAT IS YOUR FRIEND THAT YOU SHOULD SEEK HIM WITH HOURS TO KILL?
All friends are doing that - they are killing each others' hours, because they are both empty, and they don't know how to be alone, how to enjoy being alone.
- Osho, "The Messiah Volume 2, #7"
on Intimacy
Question : Osho, Of my many fears, the one of which i am most aware is that of intimacy. I am like a hit and run driver in my relationships with people. Could you speak to me of my fear of intimacy?
Ramaprem, everybody is afraid of intimacy. It is another thing whether you are aware of it or not. Intimacy means exposing yourself before a stranger. We are all strangers — nobody knows anybody. We are even strangers to ourselves, because we don’t know who we are. Intimacy brings you close to a stranger. You have to drop all your defenses; only then, intimacy is possible. And the fear is that if you drop all your defenses, all your masks, who knows what the stranger is going to do with you?
We are all hiding a thousand and one things — not only from others but from ourselves — because we have been brought up by a sick humanity with all kinds of repressions, inhibitions, taboos. And the fear is that with somebody who is a stranger — and it does not matter, you may have lived with the person for thirty years, forty years; the strangeness never disappears — it feels safer to keep a little defense, a little distance, because somebody can take advantage of your weaknesses, of your frailties, of your vulnerability. Everybody is afraid of intimacy.
The problem becomes more complicated because everybody wants intimacy. Everybody wants intimacy because otherwise you are alone in this universe — without a friend, without a lover, without anybody you can trust, without anybody to whom you can open all your wounds. And the wounds cannot heal unless they are open. The more you hide them, the more dangerous they become. They can become cancerous.
Intimacy is an essential need on the one hand, so everybody longs for it. But he wants the other person to be intimate, so that the other person drops his defenses, becomes vulnerable, opens all his wounds, drops all his masks and false personality, stands naked as he is. And on the other hand, everybody is afraid of intimacy — with the other person you want to be intimate with, you are not dropping your defenses.
This is one of the conflicts between friends, between lovers: nobody wants to drop his defenses and nobody wants to come in utter nudity and sincerity, open — and both need intimacy. Unless you drop all your repressions, inhibitions — which are the gifts of your religions, your cultures, your societies, your parents, your education — you will never be able to be intimate with someone. And you will have to take the initiative.
But if you don’t have any repressions, any inhibitions, you don’t have any wounds either. If you have lived a simple, natural life, there will be no fear of intimacy, but tremendous joy — of two flames coming so close that they become almost one flame. And the meeting is tremendously gratifying, satisfying, fulfilling. But before you can attempt intimacy, you have to clean your house completely.
Only a man of meditation can allow intimacy to happen. He has nothing to hide. All that was making him afraid that somebody may know, he himself has dropped. He has only a silence and a loving heart. You have to accept yourself in your totality — if you cannot accept yourself in your totality, how can you expect somebody else to accept you? And you have been condemned by everybody, and you have learned only one thing: self-condemnation.
You go on hiding it. It is not something beautiful to show to others, you know ugly things are hidden in you; you know evil things are hidden in you; you know animality is hidden in you. Unless you transform your attitude and accept yourself as one of the animals in existence… The word “animal” is not bad. It simply means alive; it comes from anima. Whoever is alive, is an animal.
But man has been taught, “You are not animals, animals are far below you. You are human beings.” You have been given a false superiority. The truth is, existence does not believe in the superior and the inferior. To existence, everything is equal — the trees, the birds, the animals, the human beings. In existence, everything is absolutely accepted as it is; there is no condemnation.
If you accept your sexuality without any conditions, if you accept that man and every being in the world is fragile… life is a very thin thread which can break down any moment. Once this is accepted, and you drop false egos — of being Alexander the Great, Mohammed Ali the thrice great — if you simply understand that everybody is beautiful in his ordinariness and everyone has weaknesses… They are part of human nature because you are not made of steel.
You are made of a very fragile body. The span of your life is between ninety-eight degrees temperature and one hundred and ten degrees temperature: just twelve degrees of temperature is your whole span of life. Fall below it, and you are dead; go beyond it and you are dead. And the same applies to a thousand and one things in you.
One of your most basic needs is to be needed. But nobody wants to accept it, that “It is my basic need to be needed, to be loved, to be accepted.” We are living in such pretensions, such hypocrisies — that is the reason why intimacy creates fear. You are not what you appear to be. Your appearance is false. You may appear to be a saint but deep down, you are still a weak human being with all the desires and all the longings.
The first step is to accept yourself in your totality, in spite of all your traditions, which have driven the whole of humanity insane. Once you have accepted yourself as you are, the fear of intimacy will disappear. You cannot lose respect, you cannot lose your greatness, you cannot lose your ego. You cannot lose your piousness, you cannot lose your saintliness — you have dropped all that yourself. You are just like a small child, utterly innocent. You can open yourself because inside, you are not filled with ugly repressions which have become perversions.
You can say everything that you feel authentically and sincerely. And if you are ready to be intimate, you will encourage the other person also to be intimate. Your openness will help the other person also to be open to you. Your unpretentious simplicity will allow the other also to enjoy simplicity, innocence, trust, love, openness. You are encaged with stupid concepts, and the fear is, if you become very intimate with somebody, he will become aware of it.
But we are fragile beings — the most fragile in the whole existence. The human child is the most fragile child of all the animals. The children of other animals can survive without the mother, without the father, without a family. But the human child will die immediately. So this frailty is not something to be condemned — it is the highest expression of consciousness. A roseflower is going to be fragile; it is not a stone. And there is no need to feel bad about it, that you are a roseflower and not a stone.
Only when two persons become intimate are they no longer strangers. And it is a beautiful experience to find that not only you are full of weaknesses but the other, too… perhaps everybody is full of weaknesses. The higher expression of anything becomes weaker. The roots are very strong, but the flower cannot be so strong. Its beauty is because of its not being strong. In the morning it opens its petals to welcome the sun, dances the whole day in the wind, in the rain, in the sun, and by the evening its petals have started falling. It is gone. Everything that is beautiful, precious, is going to be very momentary.
But you want everything to be permanent. You love someone and you promise that “I will love you my whole life.” And you know perfectly well that you cannot be even certain of tomorrow — you are giving a false promise. All that you can say is, “I am in love with you this moment and I will give my totality to you. About the next moment, I know nothing. How can I promise? You have to forgive me.”
But lovers are promising all kinds of things which they cannot fulfill. Then frustration comes in, then the distance grows bigger, then fight, conflict, struggle, and a life that was meant to become happier becomes just a long, drawn out misery. Ramaprem, it is good that you are aware of your greatest fear, that it is of intimacy. It can become a great revelation to you, and a revolution, if you look inwards and start dropping everything of which you feel ashamed. And accept your nature as it is, not as it should be. I do not teach any “should.” All shoulds make human mind sick.
People should be taught the beauty of isness, the tremendous splendor of nature. These trees don’t know any ten commandments, the birds don’t know any holy scriptures. It is only man who has created a problem for himself. Condemning your own nature, you become split, you become schizophrenic — and not just ordinary people, but people of the status of Sigmund Freud, who contributed greatly to humanity, about mind. His method was psychoanalysis, that you should be made aware of all that is unconscious in you. And this is a secret, that once something unconscious is brought to the conscious mind, it evaporates. You become cleaner, lighter. As more and more unconscious is unburdened, your consciousness goes on becoming bigger. And as the area of the unconscious shrinks, the territory of the consciousness expands. That is an immense truth.
The East has known it for thousands of years, but to the West, Sigmund Freud introduced it — not knowing anything of the East and its psychology; it was his individual contribution. But you will be surprised: he was never ready to be psychoanalyzed himself. The founder of psychoanalysis was never psychoanalyzed.
His colleagues insisted again and again: “The method that you have given to us — and we all have been psychoanalyzed — why are you insisting that you should not be psychoanalyzed?”
He said, “Forget about it.” He was afraid to expose himself. He had become a great genius and exposing himself would bring him down to ordinary humanity. He had the same fears, the same desires, the same repressions.
He never talked about his dreams; he only listened to other people’s dreams. And his colleagues were very much surprised — “It will be a great contribution to know about your dreams” — but he never agreed to lie down on the psychoanalyst’s couch and talk about his dreams. Because his dreams were as ordinary as anybody else’s — that was the fear.
A Gautam Buddha would not have feared to go into meditation. That was his contribution — a special kind of meditation. And he would not have been afraid of any psychoanalysis, because for the man who meditates, by and by all his dreams disappear. In the day he remains silent in his mind, not the ordinary traffic of thoughts. And in the night he sleeps deeply, because dreams are nothing but unlived thoughts, unlived desires, unlived longings in the day. They are trying to complete themselves, at least in dreams.
It will be very difficult for you to find a man who dreams about his wife, or a woman who dreams about her husband. But it will be absolutely common that they dream about their neighbors’ wives and their neighbors’ husbands. The wife is available, he is not suppressing anything as far as his wife is concerned. But the neighbor’s wife is always more beautiful; the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. And that which is unapproachable creates a deep desire to acquire it, to possess it. In the day you cannot do it, but in dreams at least, you are free. Freedom of dreaming has not yet been taken away by the governments.
It won’t be long — soon they will take it away, because methods are available, already available, so that they can watch when you are dreaming and when you are not dreaming. And there is a possibility some day to find a scientific device so that your dream can be projected on a screen. Just some electrodes will have to be inserted in your head. You will be fast asleep, dreaming joyously, making love to your neighbor’s wife and a whole movie hall will be watching it — and they used to think that this man is a saint!
This much you can even see; whenever a person is asleep, watch: if his eyelids are not showing any movement of his eyes inside, then he is not dreaming. If he is dreaming then you can see that his eyes are moving.
It is possible to project your dream on a screen. It is also possible to enforce certain dreaming in you. But at least up to now, no constitution even talks about it, that “People are free to dream, it is their birthright.”
A Gautam Buddha does not dream. Meditation is a way to go beyond mind. He lives in utter silence twenty-four hours — no ripples on the lake of his consciousness, no thoughts, no dreams. But Sigmund Freud is afraid because he knows what he is dreaming.
I have heard about one actual incident. Three great Russian novelists — Chekhov, Gorky and Tolstoy — were just sitting on a bench in a park and gossiping… and they were great friends. All were geniuses; all created such great novels that even today, if you want to count ten great novels of the world, at least five will be from the Russian novelists — before the revolution. After the revolution, they have not created a single novel which has the quality of genius. Now, it is under government instruction. The government is the only publisher; the government scrutinizes, and the people who scrutinize know nothing of art. They are bureaucrats.
The police commissioner of Poona was just asking that before my lectures are published, he should scrutinize them — and what does a police commissioner have to do with meditation? — but that is happening in Russia, and because of that, in seventy years’ time after the revolution, they have not been able to produce a single great novel. But before the revolution, Russia was at the top in creativity. These three people are still to be counted as great novelists.
Chekhov was telling about the women in his life. Gorky joined; he also said a few things. But Tolstoy remained silent. Tolstoy was a very orthodox religious Christian… you will be surprised to know that Mahatma Gandhi in India has accepted three persons as his masters, and one was Tolstoy.
And he must have been repressing so much… he was one of the richest men in Russia — he belonged to the royal family — but he lived like a poor beggar, because “blessed are the poor and they shall inherit the kingdom of God,” and he was not willing to give up the kingdom of God. It is not simplicity, and it is not desirelessness — it is too much desire. It is too much greed, it is too much instinct for power. He is sacrificing this life and its joys because it is a small life… and then for eternity he will enjoy paradise and the kingdom of God. It is a good bargain, almost like a lottery, and certain.
He was living a very celibate life, eating only vegetarian food… he was almost a saint. Naturally, his dreams must have been very ugly, his thoughts must have been very ugly, and when Chekhov and Gorky asked him, “Tolstoy, why are you silent? Say something!” he said, “I cannot say anything about women. I will say something only when one foot is in the grave. I will say it, and jump into the grave.”
You can understand why he was so much afraid of saying anything — it was boiling within him. Now, you cannot be very intimate with a man like Tolstoy. Intimacy simply means that the doors of the heart are open for you, you are welcome to come in and be a guest. But that is possible only if you have a heart which is not stinking with repressed sexuality, which is not boiling with all kinds of perversions, which is natural — as natural as trees, as innocent as children. Then there is no fear of intimacy.
That’s what I am trying to do: to help you unburden your unconscious, unburden your mind, to become ordinary. There is nothing more beautiful than to be just simple and ordinary. Then you can have as many intimate friends, as many intimate relationships as possible, because you are not afraid of anything. You become an open book — anybody can read. There is nothing to hide. Every year, a hunting club went up into the Montana hills. The members drew straws to decide who would handle the cooking and also agreed that anyone complaining about the food would automatically replace the unlucky cook.
Realizing after a few days that no one was likely to risk speaking up, Sanderson decided on a desperate plan. He found some moose droppings and added two handfuls to the stew that night. There were grimaces around the campfire after the first few mouthfuls, but nobody said anything. Then one member suddenly broke the silence. “Hey,” he exclaimed, “This stuff tastes like moose shit — but good!” He is not complaining. In fact, he is appreciating! You have so many faces. Inside, you think one thing; outside, you express something else. You are not one, organic whole.
Relax and destroy the split that society has created in you. Say only that which you mean. Act according to your own spontaneity, never bothering about consequences. It is a small life and it should not be spoiled in thinking about consequences here and hereafter. One should live totally, intensely, joyously and just like an open book, available for anybody to read it. Of course you will not make a name in the history books. But what is the point in making a name in the history books?
Live, rather than think of being remembered. You will be dead. Millions of people have lived on the earth and we don’t know even their names. Accept that simple fact: that you are here for only a few days and then you will be gone. These few days are not to be wasted in hypocrisy, in fear. These days have to be rejoiced.
Nobody knows anything about the future. Your heaven and your hell and your God are most probably all hypotheses, unproved. The only thing that is in your hands is your life — make it as rich as possible. By intimacy, by love, by opening yourself to many people, you become richer. And if you can live in deep love, in deep friendship, in deep intimacy, with many people, you have lived rightly, and wherever you happen to be… you have learned the art; you will be living there, too, happily.
I am reminded of one English philosopher, Edmund Burke. He was very friendly with the archbishop of England. Whenever Edmund Burke used to deliver a talk in the university, the archbishop used to come and listen to him. It was worth listening — each of his statements was coming with his wholeness, with great authority. But he never went to listen to the archbishop on Sunday in the church. The archbishop said, “At least you should come one time. I always come to listen to you.”
Edmund Burke said, “You come to listen to me because whatever you know is not your knowledge — it is all borrowed, and you are not certain of it. Whatever I say is my experience, and I give every evidence and proof and argument for it. I can stake my life for my statements. You are just a parrot. But because you have asked, I will come next Sunday.”
So the archbishop prepared a really beautiful sermon, thinking that Edmund Burke will be present, so the sermon has to be as great as he can make it. But he was surprised. Edmund Burke was sitting in the first row but there was no emotion on his face. He could not judge whether he liked it, disliked it, agreed with it, or disagreed with it. He was very much puzzled. As the sermon ended, Edmund Burke stood up and he said, “I have a question to ask, a very simple question. Your whole sermon was, in a condensed form, that the people who live a virtuous life according to your Christian ideology, and believe in Jesus Christ, will go to heaven after this life. Those who do not believe in Jesus Christ and live the life of a sinner, will fall into eternal hell after this life.
“My question is,” said Edmund Burke, “that if a person is virtuous but does not believe in Jesus Christ, what will happen? He is good. His life is a life to be praised but he does not believe in Jesus Christ — where is he going to be? Or, a man who believes in Jesus Christ but is a great sinner — where is he going to be? You missed mentioning two very important points; your sermon was half. And I was waiting to see whether you were aware of these two possibilities or not.”
The archbishop thought for a moment — the question was really dangerous. If he says the good people are going to heaven whether they believe in Jesus Christ or not, then Jesus Christ and the belief in him become superfluous, non-essential. And if he says those who believe in Jesus Christ — even if they are sinners — will go to heaven, then sin is being approved by the church itself.
He was in a very muddled situation. He said, “Your question needs some time for me to think it over. Just give me seven days. Next Sunday, I will answer it.”
For seven days, he tried all the scriptures, tried this way and that way, but… the question was simple… and he was caught in a dilemma. He could not sleep those seven days, because how is he going to face Edmund Burke and his congregation? And whatever he says seems to be wrong: either it goes against Jesus Christ or it goes against a virtuous life. He repented that he ever invited that fellow to come to the church!
He went early in the morning to the church, before the congregation came. He still did not have any answer. He thought, “In the early morning, when there is nobody in the church, I will pray to Christ himself to just show me the light, give me the answer. Because not only my prestige is at stake, his prestige is also at stake.”
Seven days, continuously worrying, not sleeping… he was bowing down before the statue of Jesus Christ. He fell asleep, and he saw a dream. Naturally, because for seven days only one thing had been in his mind, the dream was also connected with it.
He saw himself sitting in a train, and he asked, “Where are we going?” Somebody said, “This train is going to heaven.” He had a great relaxation, and he said, “That’s perfectly good. Perhaps this is Jesus Christ’s doing, so that you can see for yourself who goes to paradise and who does not go.”
As he reached the station of paradise, he could not believe — it looked so rotten. He entered inside paradise. The people he met were almost corpses, walking. He recognized a few saints and he asked them, “I want to ask one question: where is Gautam Buddha? because he never believed in Jesus Christ or in God, but he was one of the most moral men you can conceive of.”
The saint said, “He is not here.” “Socrates? He was also not a believer in any god, but was a man of great virtue.” “He is also not here.”
And he said, “Why does this whole paradise look like a ruin? And saints look like the dead; there seems to be no joy. I used to think that angels go on singing with their harps. I don’t see any angels, any harps, any song, any dance — just a few dull and dead saints are sitting under the trees.”
And whoever he asked, said: “Don’t bother us. We are tired.”
Just an idea came into his mind at that moment that perhaps there is a train going to hell, also. So he rushed back to the station, and the train was standing at the platform, ready to leave for hell. He entered the train, and as the hell started coming closer, he was even more puzzled. The wind was fragrant with flowers. There was so much greenery, lush green. The station was so beautiful — he had never thought that a station could be so beautiful. And people looked so happy, so joyous. He said, “My god, is there something wrong or what?”
He enquired, “Is this really hell?”
They said, “It used to be. Before Gautam Buddha, Socrates, Epicurus, Mahavira, Lao Tzu, people like these came here, it used to be hell. But now they have transformed the whole place.”
He entered hell and he could not believe — it was sheer joy! The very air was full of blissfulness. And there was dancing and there was singing, and he asked somebody, “Where is Gautam Buddha?”
They said, “Do you see in the garden, he is watering the roses.” “And where is Socrates?” And they said, “Socrates is working in the field.” “Where is Epicurus?” They said, “He just passed by you. The man who was dancing and playing on the guitar was Epicurus.”
At that very moment, the shock was too much — he woke up. He said, “My god! What a dream!”
And people had started arriving — particularly, Edmund Burke who was sitting in the front seat already, waiting for the answer.
The poor archbishop said, “I have not been able to find the answer. But I have seen a dream which I will describe to you, and you can conclude the answer from the dream.”
He described the dream. Edmund Burke said, “Now you conclude also! The conclusion is clear: that wherever good people are, there is paradise. It is not that good people go to paradise — wherever good people are, it becomes paradise. And wherever stupid people and idiots are — they may be great believers in God and Jesus Christ and the HOLY BIBLE, it does not matter — even paradise becomes a ruin. It becomes a hell.”
I have loved this incident very much because this is my approach, too. If you are simple, loving, open, intimate, you create a paradise around you. If you are closed, constantly on the defensive, always worried that somebody may come to know your thoughts, your dreams, your perversions — you are living in hell.
Hell is within you and so is paradise. They are not geographical places.
They are your spiritual spaces. Ramaprem, cleanse yourself. And meditation is nothing but a cleaning of all the rubbish that has gathered in your mind. When the mind is silent and the heart is singing… just listen to these birds.
You will be ready, without any fear but with great joy, to be intimate. And without intimacy, you are alone here amongst strangers. With intimacy you are surrounded by friends, by people who love you. Intimacy is a great experience. One should not miss it.
But before you can become unafraid of intimacy, you have to be totally clean of all the garbage that religions have been pouring into you, all the crap that for centuries has been handed over to you. Be finished with it all, and live a life of peace, silence, joy, song and dance. And you will transform… wherever you are, the place will become paradise.
- Osho, “The Hidden Splendor, #4”
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