[A sannyasin returning from Germany says: I got myself pretty lost there. I don't seem to be able to get a relationship together. Can you give me any kind of advice?]

 

 

Mm (a pause). It is not only a question of relationship. When you are here you are in a certain atmosphere, it is very nourishing to your inner growth. When you go away, you're in a totally different world, uprooted, in a different soil, in a different climate. And the whole atmosphere there is non-meditative. So when a person is growing he needs a constant nourishment. Once he has become grown-up there is no need for it.

 

It is almost like a small child -- he constantly needs the nourishment from the mother, the milk from the mother, the warmth, the protection, the caring. One day he will become capable of going away from the mother. In fact the whole effort of the mother is that one day he should be able to be on his own. So here it is a mother-atmosphere. When you go away you have to be on your own. Many things that are supporting you disappear, and many things appear that are destructive and it becomes a constant fight. Here you are floating.

 

Many people here are simply growing without any effort on their part. And that's my whole effort: to make this community so big that it almost becomes a world in itself. Then many people will be growing without any effort of their own. They will be simply riding on the tide, on the wave, mm? They will be simply moving with the total energy of the community. That is the meaning of a commune.

 

From the ancient days people have always tried to create a commune. And whenever a commune was created there was tremendous growth. Humanity was forged into a new world, in a new altitude.

 

A community simply means people who are moving in the same direction, holding each other's hands. So sometimes somebody who cannot run on his own also starts running. Somebody who would be left alone, if left alone would feel lost, feels in tune. Where people are dancing, you start dancing easily. Where people are laughing, you start laughing easily.

 

Once a professor tried an experiment. He decided with one of his students that the student should try to laugh, mm? and the professor should observe him in many situations. So the student went to the station, purchased a ticket, smiled at the clerk, laughed and was very happy, and the clerk also smiled and started laughing. When the student left, while the professor was watching the clerk another passenger came, and the clerk smiled -- he was still bubbling with energy that had been released by the student -- and the passenger started laughing.

 

Then the professor followed the passenger. The passenger went into the compartment, into the train, talked to somebody and started laughing, and he was smiling; it became infectious. And in this way he followed many people from one to another up to the evening. And he reports that a single person can have the whole town laughing.

 

We set things moving. And when there are many people laughing, of course it is very difficult to be sad... almost impossible, it is going against the grain. In the first place, who wants to be sad? In the second place, when it is difficult, who would like to take that difficulty and that arduousness and be sad? And when everybody is laughing your vibe changes.

 

Mm? have you watched? -- if there is somebody beating a drum, your feet start beating with it, your hand starts beating with it; suddenly your heart starts beating with it. You would like to dance. Just a single moment before there was no idea of dancing, but just the drum and the beating of it has entered you. You are no more your ordinary self.

 

So a commune is a deliberate effort to create a certain pattern of energy. That's why you were feeling lost. It has nothing to do with relationship, but relationship is always good. You are back here; just be happy. Move happily -- laugh more, dance more. And there are always people who would like to have a relationship with somebody who is happy and dancing and singing. Just don't be sad, then you are open to relationship, so whomsoever you deserve, you get. Never complain -- there are no complaints; there is no need -- if you get an ugly person, that you deserved. It is always the right person that comes to you. So if you want to find a better person become better; then a better person will be coming to you.

 

As I have been watching thousands of people, I have never come across any relationship which was not deserved. You create it, you are the cause of it, so just be happy and somebody is bound to knock... because people are born to be related, they are born in relationship; relationship is a must. An unrelated person is no more human -- he falls below humanity.

 

That's why monks who move out of society and drop all relationships look a little stupid, retarded. Put a human child in isolation from the very beginning and he will never become a human being. He will never learn how to speak, he will never learn how to sing, he will never learn how to dance. He will never learn how to relate because there is nobody to relate to. He will remain like a rock, he will not flower. He will not be a human being at all -- he will be subhuman. And he will be in a worse state than animals, because at least animals have their own society -- they relate, they are not isolated. The child will be dull, closed.

 

So the more you relate, the more human you are. And to reach to God means to reach to the peak of your relationship. Prayer is the ultimate relationship -- a relationship with the whole universe. Mm? you loved so many persons -- now they are not fulfilling. Now a person is a limited thing. A limitation, a boundary always comes; then you want to relate to the whole, to this whole universe. Then there is prayer. So people start from sex, move into love, and reach to prayer.

 

Never be afraid of sex, but never be content with it. Always move beyond sex towards love. But love is a bridge, not the goal. The goal is prayer. When you can relate to the whole universe, then you can never be isolated. So sometimes it has happened... a Buddha, a Mahavira, they moved from the world, but they were not retarded and they never became subhuman. They became super-human because they learned the art of love in the world. Then there was nothing to learn -- all that the world could give, it had given them. Then they went into isolation. But it was no more isolation because the whole universe was there -- how can you be isolated? If you know how to relate with the universe, trees and rocks and stars, you are never alone. Then wherever you are, you are amidst your family. So they never fell below humanity; they became super-human.

 

So I am not against going into the forest. I am in favour of it ,only when the society has given you all that it can give. When one has learned love, one can be alone -- or one can be in the society anywhere; then everything is good. One is never uprooted. You can throw that person into a desert and he will be as happy. You can throw him anywhere, alone on an island, and he will be as prayerful as anywhere else.

 

So never be afraid of sex -- but never be contented with it. Always strive for love -- but love is not the goal. Love is a bridge -- the goal is prayer.

 

- Osho, “The Shadow of the Whip, #14“