A woman is to be loved, not understood. That is the first understanding.
-Osho, "The Great Pilgrimage - From Here to Here, #2, Q1"
The psychology movement is basically male chauvinist, and strangely, it has exploited women more than men.
Most of the differences between men and women are because of thousands of years of conditioning. They are not fundamental to nature, but there are a few differences which give them unique beauty, individuality. Those differences can be counted very easily.
One is that the woman is capable of producing life; man is not. In that way he is inferior, and that inferiority has played a great role in the domination of women by men. The inferiority complex works in this way: it pretends to be superior --to deceive oneself and to deceive the whole world. So man down the ages has been destroying the woman's genius, talents, capacities, so that he can prove himself superior --to himself and to the world.
Because the woman gives birth, she remains for nine months or more absolutely vulnerable, dependent on a man. Men have exploited this in a very ugly way. And that is a physiological difference; it makes no difference at all.
The psychology of the woman is corrupted by the man telling her things which are not true, making her a slave to man, reducing her to a secondary citizen of the world. And the reason for that was that he is muscularly more powerful. But the muscular power is part of animality. If that is going to decide the superiority, then any animal is more muscular than a man.
But the real differences are certainly there, and we have to search for them behind the pile of invented differences. One difference I see is that a woman is more capable of love than a man is. A man's love is more or less a physical necessity; a woman's love is not. It is something greater and higher; it is a spiritual experience. That's why the woman is monogamous and man is polygamous. The man would like to have all the world's women and still he would not be satisfied. His discontent is infinite.
The woman can be satisfied with one love, utterly fulfilled, because she does not look at the body of the man, she looks at the innermost qualities. She does not fall in love with a man who has a beautiful muscular body, she falls in love with a man who has a charisma --something indefinable but immensely attractive --who has a mystery to be explored. She wants her man not to be just a man, but an adventure in discovering consciousness.
The man is very weak as far as sexuality is concerned --he can have only one orgasm. The woman is infinitely superior --she can have multiple orgasms. And this has been one of the most troublesome matters. The man's orgasm is local, confined to his genitals. The woman's orgasm is total, not confined to the genitals. Her whole body is sexual, and she can have a beautiful orgasmic experience a thousandfold bigger, deeper, more enriching, more nourishing than a man can have.
But the tragedy is that her whole body has to be aroused, and the man is not interested in it, he has never been interested in it. He has used the woman as a sex machine just to relieve his own sexual tensions. Within seconds he is finished. And by the time he is finished the woman has not even begun.
The moment a man is finished making love he turns and goes to sleep. The sexual act helps him to have a good sleep --more relaxed, with all the tensions released in the sexual activity. And every woman has cried and wept when she has seen this. She had not even started, she had not moved. She has been used, and that is the ugliest thing in life: when you are used as a thing, as a mechanism, as an object. She cannot forgive the man for using her.
To make the woman also an orgasmic partner the man has to learn foreplay, to be in no hurry to go to bed. He has to make love something of an art. They can have a place, a love temple where incense is burning, no glaring lights, just candles... and he should approach the woman when he is in a beautiful mood, joyous, so he can share. What happens ordinarily is that men and women fight before they make love. That poisons love. Love is a kind of treaty that the fight is finished --at least for tonight. It is a bribe, it is cheating.
A man should make love the way a painter paints --when he feels the urge filling his heart --or the way the poet composes poetry, or a musician plays music. The woman's body should be taken as a musical instrument; it is. When the man is feeling joy, then sex is not just a release, a relaxation, a sleeping method. Then there is foreplay. He dances with the woman, he sings with the woman --with beautiful music vibrating the love temple, with the incense that they love. It should be something of the sacred, because there is nothing sacred in ordinary life unless you make love sacred. And that will be the beginning of opening the door to the whole phenomenon of superconsciousness.
Love never should be forced, love never should be an attempt. It should not be in the mind at all --you are playing, dancing, singing, enjoying... part of this long joy. If it happens, then it is beautiful.
When love happens it has beauty. When it is made to happen, it is ugly.
And while you are making love with the man on top of the woman... it is known as the missionary posture. The East became aware of this ugliness that the man was heavier, taller and more muscular and was crushing a delicate being.
In the East, the way has always been just the opposite: the woman on top. Crushed under the weight of the man, the woman has no mobility. Only the man moves, so he comes to orgasm within seconds and the woman is simply in tears. She has been a partner, but she was not involved in it --she has been used.
When the woman is on top she has more mobility, the man has less mobility, and that will bring their orgasms closer to each other. And when both go into orgasmic experience, it is something of the other world. It is the first glimpse of samadhi; it is the first glimpse that man is not the body. He forgets the body, he forgets the world. Both the man and the woman move into a new dimension they have never explored.
The woman has the capacity for multiple orgasms, so the man has to be as slow as possible. But the reality is, he is in such a hurry in everything that he destroys the whole relationship. He should be very relaxed so that the woman can have multiple orgasms. His orgasm should come at the end when the woman's orgasm has reached to the peak. It is a simple question of understanding.
There are natural differences --they have nothing to do with conditioning. There are other differences. For example, a woman is more centered than a man; it starts happening even in the womb of the mother. An experienced mother who has given birth to two or three children can tell you after a few months of pregnancy whether the newcomer is going to be a girl or a boy, because the boy starts making a fuss, kicking in her womb, moving --he is on the way. But the girl remains absolutely silent. So that is not a question of conditioning.
The female is more serene, more silent, more patient, is capable of waiting. Perhaps because of these qualities she has more resistance to diseases and she lives longer than a man. Because of her serenity, her delicateness, she can fulfill a man's life immensely. She can surround man's life in a very soothing, cozy atmosphere. But the man is afraid --he does not want to be surrounded by the woman, he does not want to let her create a cozy warmth around him. He is afraid because that way he will become dependent. So for centuries he has been keeping her at a distance. And he is afraid because he knows deep down that the woman is more than he is. She can give birth to life. Nature has chosen her to reproduce, not man.
Man's function in reproduction is almost nil. This inferiority has created the greatest problem --man started cutting the woman's wings. He started in every way reducing her, condemning her, so that he could at least believe that he is superior. He has treated women as cattle --even worse.
-Osho, "The Sword and the Lotus, #5, Q1"