[A sannyasin says: I can't make love properly: I have a premature ejaculation.]
It will change... nothing to be worried about. Do these groups and then book for tantra, mm?
Premature ejaculation is really not a sexual problem at all; it is more a psychological problem. Physiologically there is nothing wrong but psychologically you are in a hurry; that very hurry creates premature ejaculation.
In the West almost seventy percent of men suffer from it. It is not a small problem, seventy percent is a great majority. In fact there are a few people who have started thinking that premature ejaculation is normal because seventy percent... it must be normal. In fact those thirty percent of people must be having something wrong; the normal means the average.
And these seventy percent will become eighty percent, ninety percent soon; their number is growing. Never before in the history of man has premature ejaculation been such a problem as it has become in the West -- and particularly more so in America. Because for the first time a civilisation is in a hurry, for the first time a civilisation is too time-conscious. In the East people have never suffered from premature ejaculation because things move so slowly and nobody is in a hurry. There is enough time, more than enough; eternity is available.
The eastern concept that after you die you will be born again and again and again, gives a very long time, great duration. The western idea that there is only one life makes you very feverish. Just one life? -- so you have to make everything out of it immediately, otherwise it will be gone! So everything has to be fast, quick.
That mind brings this problem, so that mind is working there and making everything quick. It goes on giving directions from deep within: to do it quickly, be fast, finish soon. There is this constant hankering for things to be instantaneous. It makes it appear as if the only thing in life is how to do a thing with great speed. But all great things need slowness, patience, otherwise you miss. They need time so that you can get saturated.
Now, sexual orgasm needs time -- the longer, the better because then it will go deeper into your being, into your mind, into your soul. Then it will spread from the toe to the head... every fibre of your body will be throbbing with it. Your whole body will become an orchestra and it will come to a crescendo.
But if you are in a hurry the orgasm becomes just an ejaculation, it is no more an orgasm. It is local and very tiny, almost meaningless. In fact you will feel tired, frustrated, depressed after it, because the energy is lost and it has not given you a bath, so it was just meaningless.
You remain the old -- a little more tired of course, with less energy of course, but you remain the same. It has not been a cleansing process, it has not thrilled you from corner to corner, from end to end. It has not vibrated you, because in that vibration you lose much dust, and in that vibration there comes a moment where thoughts disappear and sex becomes almost ecstatic.
When thoughts are not there it is meditation, and that is the whole beauty of sex, that is the very centre of sex. Otherwise there is a periphery and the centre is missing; then you are just making empty gestures, empty motions.
People are making love and their minds are full of thoughts; it is not possible to attain to a deep bliss through it. When thoughts completely disappear, for a moment everything stops: time stops, mind stops. For a moment you don't know who you are, for a moment you don't know what your boundary is, for a moment you don't know where you are. You are in a nowhere! For a moment you have fallen into eternity. The past has suddenly been cut off, there is no future and this moment is all!
Ordinarily our situation is that the past, the whole load, the whole train of the past, is following and the whole projection of the future is there. The present moment is so tiny, so small.
Sex is one of the natural ways to enter into the now, the nowness of things. If you miss that, certainly you are missing something very essential, something very significant and it is not possible to substitute it with anything else.
A man who moves deeply into sex can attain to meditation very easily. A man who is not moving deeply into sex will find it very difficult to move into meditation because the problem is the same! If you cannot vibrate in a natural state of sexuality, it will be very difficult to vibrate in a deliberate state of meditation. Sex is nothing but creating meditation in a natural way.
So first do these groups and don't be worried! Mm? it will disappear -- don't pay much attention to it. Just do a few groups, then tantra and then a few camps. Simply forget it, as if it doesn't exist.
[An indian sannyasin says he cannot cope with many social situations he finds himself in. He thinks he needs the help of a psychiatrist.]
Your mind is perfectly okay. In fact, this situation happens to everybody who has a certain intelligence. It is not that you are lacking something, it is that you have more than average intelligence. This problem is not because of lack, this problem is because of something plus: you have more intelligence than average.
When the mind is a little more intelligent it is never satisfied because it can always imagine better situations; that is the problem. If you have one thousand rupees and you are stupid you can he satisfied! But how can an intelligent man be satisfied? He thinks of two thousand, three thousand, five thousand; whatsoever he has he can always imagine more.
You have a beautiful woman; a intelligent person starts thinking of more beautiful women, he goes on fantasizing. An idiot is satisfied because he cannot imagine... he cannot even imagine a better situation, so why be unsatisfied, how to be unsatisfied?
So psychiatrists cannot help because you don't have anything wrong! They cannot put anything right because there is nothing wrong. You have more than average intelligence. Now, you will have to put this intelligence to your problems more deeply. Rather than asking somebody else's help, you will have to put your own intelligence to your problems.
For example, when you are unsatisfied with a certain thing become very aware of why you are unsatisfied, see the whole unsatisfaction, go into it deeply. Layer by layer, open all the doors, examine every situation, every mood. Awareness is going to help you because you have intelligence and intelligence can be converted into awareness.
Just sermons won't help -- somebody saying 'Just be satisfied' is not going to help you; that you cannot do. You will have to go into deep analysis of your own moods.
So whenever you are feeling unsatisfied, nothing is wrong -- the first thing to be understood: nothing is wrong! You should feel fortunate because you could have been stupid! Stupid people never have this problem, idiots don't have any problems. A problem is a good indication.
And when you think about life, when you become aware of life, life is meaningless, so how to be satisfied with it? If you go deeply into this, by and by you will start feeling that in life there is no possibility of any satisfaction. Then you have stumbled upon the first basic truth -- that life is meaningless.
Then one can turn within-wards; then there is no need to go outside, because outside there is no meaning possible. There is only anxiety and anguish.
And people like you commit suicide. When it becomes too heavy and everything is unsatisfactory and nothing brings happiness, one starts feeling, 'What is the point of going on living? -- then destroy!'
People of your type either commit suicide or they become great sannyasins; both are the possibilities. If they don't destroy themselves they start turning inwards and they create a new life. The life that is available through the senses is meaningless but that is not the only life: there is one more life, far greater, far more glorious, and that is the life of an inward consciousness.
So now you are becoming a sannyasin, you are on the door of it, so please don't think that you are ill. If you think in those terms you will start feeling ill: you will hypnotise yourself into believing that you are ill. You are not ill at all. Completely drop that idea! Never go to a psychiatrist, because if you go they will find something wrong with you... even if it is not there. They have to find, they also have to live, so when somebody comes they have to find something wrong and treat him.
I can see deeply into you that there is nothing wrong. It is just that you are unfortunate in one way that you have more than average intelligence. So you can make a misery out of it or you can make a blessing out of it -- it depends on you.
-Osho, “The Zero Experience, #14“