on Marriage

 

 

One of my most-loved books is by Rabindranath Tagore, Akhari Kavita, The Last Poem. It is not a book of poetries, it is a novel – but a very strange novel, very insightful.

 

A young woman and a man fall in love and, as it happens, immediately want to get married. The woman says, “Only on one condition.” She is very cultured, very sophisticated, very rich.

 

The man said, “Any condition is acceptable, but I cannot live without you.”

 

She said, “First listen to the condition; then think it over. It is not an ordinary condition. The condition is that we will not live in the same house. I have a vast land, a beautiful lake surrounded by beautiful trees and gardens and lawns. I will make you a house on the other side, just opposite where I live.”

 

He said, “Then what is the point of marriage?”

 

She said, “Marriage is not destroying each other. I am giving you your space, I have my own space. Once in a while, walking in the garden we may meet. Once in a while, boating in the lake we may meet – accidentally. Or sometimes I can invite you to have tea with me, or you can invite me.”

 

The man said, “This idea is simply absurd.”

 

The woman said, “Then forget all about marriage. This is the only right idea – only then can our love go on growing, because we always remain fresh and new. We never take each other for granted. I have every right to refuse your invitation just as you have every right to refuse my invitation; in no way are our freedoms disturbed. Between these two freedoms grows the beautiful phenomenon of love.”

 

Of course the man could not understand, and dropped the idea. But Rabindranath has the same insight as Kahlil Gibran…and they were writing at almost the same time.

 

If this is possible -- to have space and togetherness both -- then the winds of heaven dance between you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love.

 

It should be a free gift, given or taken, but there should be no demand. Otherwise, very soon you are together but you are as apart as faraway stars. No understanding bridges you; you have not left the space even for the bridge.

 

-Osho, “The Messiah, Vol 1, #8”