Question 2:

Osho,

Being your sannyasin has given me the sense of freedom of not belonging to any particular place, country or even nationality. it's really great. i've felt able to move about without much fear and to be committed without feeling imprisoned. why then, after nine years, do i feel a bitter sadness mixed with this sense of freedom?

 

 

Freedom has two sides and if you have only one side of it, a single side, you will feel freedom mixed with sadness. So you have to understand the whole psychology of freedom.

 

The first side is freedom from: from nationality, from a certain church, from a certain race, from a certain political ideology. This is the first part of freedom, the foundation of freedom. It is always from something. Once you have attained this freedom, you will feel very light and very good and very happy. And for the first time you will start rejoicing in your own individuality, because your individuality was covered with all those things that you have become free of.

 

But this is only one half and then there will come sadness, because the other half is missing.

 

Freedom from is fulfilled, but freedom for what? Freedom in itself has no meaning, unless it is freedom for something, something creative - freedom to sculpt, freedom to dance, freedom to create music, poetry, painting. Unless your freedom turns into a creative realization, you will feel sad. Because you will see that you are free: your chains are broken, you no longer have any handcuffs, you no longer have any chains, you don't have any prison, you are standing under the starry night, completely free, but where to go?

 

Then comes a sudden sadness. What path to choose? Up to now there was no question of going anywhere - you were imprisoned. Your whole consciousness was concentrated on how to get free, your only anxiety was how to get free. Now that you are free, a new kind of problem has to be encountered. What to do now that you are free?

 

Just freedom in itself does not mean anything, unless you choose a creative path. Either you go deeper into meditation for self-realization - that's what I was talking about: unless you become like Premda, pregnant - or if you have a certain kind of talent that has not been allowed to develop because of your fetters - you could not compose music because your hands were in chains, you could not dance because your feet were in chains ... If you have a talent to be a dancer, then be a dancer. Then your freedom is complete, then the circle is complete.

 

Freedom from and freedom for - this is not something new that you are facing. It is being faced by every person who struggles first for freedom and then suddenly finds, "Now that I am free, what am I going to do?" Up to now, he was so occupied, so engaged, so very busy. Even in his dreams he was thinking only of freedom. And he has never thought about what he is going to do when he will get freedom.

 

Prem Islamo, what has happened is beautiful. But something more is needed. You have to become a creator. You have to find some creativity that fulfills your freedom, otherwise the freedom is empty.

 

You need either to create something or to discover something. Either bring your potential to actuality or go inwards to find yourself, but do something with your freedom.

 

Freedom is only an opportunity for you. It is not in itself the goal. It simply gives you the whole opportunity to do whatever you want to do. Now you are free and you are feeling sad, because you have not used this opportunity yet. Meditation will do, music will do, sculpture will do, dancing will do, love will do. But do something with your freedom. Just don't sit with your freedom, otherwise you will become sad.

 

Freedom has to be a creative force in your life, not just a negative kind of freedom. The first part is negative: it is simply getting rid of the prison, it is getting rid of the chains. That you have done: now you are standing underneath the sky, completely lost.

 

Perhaps you have never realized that the imprisoned person has a certain reason for remaining imprisoned. That's why millions of people in the world remain prisoners of religion, of caste, creed, nation, color. All kinds of prisons they go on tolerating - not without reason. Their reason is that when they are imprisoned they don't have any responsibility, they don't have to be creators, they don't have to find some positivity in their freedom. It is enough for them to remain imprisoned, because then others will go on taking care.

 

Why are people Christians, why are people Hindus, why are people Mohammedans? Because Jesus will take care. You need not be worried. All that you have to be is just a slave of the Christian church. And the Christian church will take care of all your sins and of all that is needed. One feels absolutely unburdened with responsibility - no responsibility.

 

But remember one thing, fundamental to the whole question of freedom: responsibility and freedom are together. If you don't want to have responsibility, you can't have freedom either. They both come together or they both go together. If you leave responsibility, you have to accept slavery in some way or other.

 

Now, you had dreamed about freedom without ever thinking that great responsibility will follow.

 

Freedom you have, but you have not fulfilled the responsibility. Hence, a sadness lingers around you. You are absolutely capable of destroying this sadness. If you were capable of destroying your slavery, your chains, you are certainly capable of being creative. If you were able to destroy prisons, you can certainly make, create something beautiful.

 

My own experience is: unless you become a creator in some way, your life will remain empty and sad. The only blissful people are the creators. It may be simply the creation of more consciousness, more experience of sachchidanand, more truth, more consciousness, more bliss. It may be simply an inner world of creativity or it may be something outer. But freedom has to become responsible, positive.

 

Your freedom is still negative. It is good that you are out of the prison, but it is not enough. Now you have to earn your bread. Up to now, they were supplying the bread. With the chains, they were supplying you a shelter, they were giving you clothes.

 

In American jails I asked many prisoners who were with me, "How long have you been here?" One young man was with me in the first prison. I asked him how long he had been in, because he was not more than twenty-five.

 

He said, "I was twelve when I was first brought to prison for selling drugs. But in prison, I found that I am free of all responsibility. Everything is supplied, medical care is available. No problem, no worries about tomorrows - from where the bread will be coming tomorrow. There is no worry. So since then, I have been coming again and again back to the prison. When they release me, I commit some small crime and I am back. And I love the place and I love the people. The first time I was afraid, but soon I found this is a better home."

 

This is how people become jail-birds. He was absolutely happy. Everybody knew him - the doctor, the nurses, the jailer - and he was a nice person. He was very much interested in health. I watched him because there was nothing else except him to watch. As many times as he will find time from television ... Otherwise, he was sitting before the television, and even watching the television he will start doing pushups. He was known as "the prince" by the other prisoners, because he was a nice person - no bad habits, nothing. He just found that the jail seems to be the most simple way of living. And I asked the nurses, "Why do you call him 'the prince'?"

 

They said, "He wants the best clothes, and he fights for them and he gets them - because he is known to everybody. He wants the best food. He wants everything that is available for the prisoners.

 

He does not allow anybody else to be his partner in the cell, because he has so many of his own things. One bed is for his sleep and on the other bed he has all kinds of things.

 

"He leaves those things with the nurses when he has to go out of the jail, and he says, 'I will be coming within a week at the most, so keep my things ... I will be coming.' And within a week he is back, and the magistrates know and everybody knows that he will be coming back - there is no point to it."

 

Even the doctor told me that there is no point in sending him out, because he comes back hungry, with dirty clothes. Nobody gives him any service, nobody gives him any employment. Again he becomes a street person. Here, he is the healthiest prisoner, because he does so much exercise the whole day. Even while looking at the television, he is doing exercise too. And he sleeps without any anxiety for tomorrow. Everything will be available in the morning.

 

So many people inside the churches, inside synagogues, inside temples, attending the mass ....

 

Almost everybody is a member of a religion, a member of a nation, a member of a family, a member of an association, a political party, Rotary Club, Lions Club. People go on finding more and more chains. It seems to be very cozy. You have so much protection and no responsibility. Freedom means: you will have to be responsible for every act, for every breath; whatever you do or don't do, you will be responsible.

 

People are really in deep fear of freedom, although they talk about freedom. But my own experience is: very few people really want freedom; because they are subconsciously aware that freedom will bring many problems that they are not ready to encounter. It is better to remain in a cozy imprisonment. It is warmer, and what will you do with freedom? Unless you are ready to be a seeker, a searcher, a creator ... Very few people want to go on a pilgrimage or to go into deeper silences of the heart, or to take the responsibility of love. The implications are great.

 

Prem Islamo, you will have to dispel that darkness, otherwise sooner or later you will enter into some prison. You cannot go on burdening yourself with sadness. Before the burden becomes too much and forces you back into some slavery, into some imprisonment, change the whole situation by being a creative person. Just find out what is your joy in life, what you would like to create, what you would like to be, what you want to be your definition.

 

Freedom is simply an opportunity to find a definition for yourself, a true, authentic individuality, and a joy in making the world around you a little better, a little more beautiful - a few more roses, a little more greenery, a few more oases.

 

I am reminded of Madame Blavatsky, the founder of the Theosophical Society. She used to carry two bags in her hands, always. Either going for a morning walk or traveling in a train - those two bags were always in her hands. And she was throwing something out of those bags - from the window while sitting in the train - onto the footpath outside, by the side of the train.

 

And people used to ask, "Why do you go on doing this?"

 

And she laughed and said, "This has been my whole life's habit. These are seasonal flower seeds.

 

I may not come back on this route again" - she was a world traveler - "but that does not matter.

 

When the season comes and the flowers will blossom, thousands of people who pass every day in this line of railway trains will see those flowers, those colors. They will not know me. That does not matter.

 

"One thing is certain: I am making a few people happy somewhere. That much I know. It does not matter whether they know it or not. What matters is that I have been doing something which will make somebody happy. Some children may come and pluck a few flowers and go home. Some lovers may come and make garlands for each other. And without their knowing, I will be part of their love. And I will be part of the joy of children. And I will be part of those who will be simply passing by the path, seeing the beautiful flowers."

 

A man who understands that freedom is nothing but an opportunity to make the world a little more beautiful, and to make himself a little more conscious, will not find himself sad.

 

It is good, Prem Islamo, that you asked, because if you had not asked, you might have carried this sadness which would slowly have poisoned your very freedom. A negative freedom is not very substantial, it can disappear. A freedom has to become positive.

 

-Osho, "Sat Chit Anand, #14, Q2"