Parents

 

 

On one hand we go on teaching people to be true, and on the other hand, in a subtle way, we go on teaching them not to be true. Each child is made neurotic by the parents, by the society; and we know that we are doing it, and we know that others have done the same to us. Stop doing it to yourself and stop doing it to others. Become alert. Just be real. I emphasize reality more than truth. Because truth has been used by the anti-life people so much, it has wrong associations. Be real. If you are real, one thing will start disappearing from your heart, and that is guilt.

 

-Osho, “The Beloved, Vol 1, #7”

 

 

 

The first expression of love towards the child is to leave his first seven years absolutely innocent, unconditioned, to leave him for seven years completely wild, a pagan.

 

He should not be converted to Hinduism, to Mohammedanism, to Christianity. Anybody who is trying to convert the child is not compassionate, he is cruel: he is contaminating the very soul of a new, fresh arrival. Before the child has even asked questions he has been answered with ready-made philosophies, dogmas, ideologies. This is a very strange situation. The child has not asked about God, and you go on teaching him about God. Why so much impatience? Wait!

 

If the child someday shows interest in God and starts asking about God, then try to tell him not only your idea of God -- because nobody has any monopoly: put before him all the ideas of God that have been presented to different people by different ages, by different religions, cultures, civilizations.

 

Put before him all the ideas about God, and tell him, "You can choose between these, whichever appeals to you. Or you can invent your own, if nothing suits. If everything seems to be with a flaw, and you think you can have a better idea, then invent your own. Or if you find that there is no way to invent an idea without loopholes, then drop the whole thing; there is no need. A man can live without God; there is no intrinsic necessity.

 

"Millions of people have lived without God. God is nothing that is inevitably needed by you. Yes, I have my idea; that too is in the combination of all these ideals in this collection. You can choose that, but I am not saying that my idea is the right idea. It appeals to me; it may not appeal to you."

 

There is no inner necessity that the son should agree with the father. In fact it seems far better that he should not agree. That's how evolution happens. If every child agrees with the father then there will be no evolution, because the father will agree with his own father, so everybody will be where God left Adam and Eve -- naked, outside the gate of the garden of Eden. Everybody will be there.

 

Because sons have disagreed with their fathers, forefathers, with their whole tradition, man has evolved.

This whole evolution is a tremendous disagreement with the past.

The more intelligent you are, the more you are going to disagree.

But parents appreciate the child who agrees; they condemn the child who disagrees.

 

It was the practice in my family to produce me in front of anybody to condemn me. Any visitor to the family, any guest of the family ... and I would be called. And I knew for what, but I enjoyed it. I was called to be condemned: "And this boy is in disagreement with everything." In Hindi there is a phrase for it: ulti khopdi -- it means upside-down skull. So that was the phrase used for me.

 

-Osho, “From Darkness to Light, #3”

 

 

 

WHY CAN'T WE JUST SIMPLY ACCEPT OURSELVES AND OTHERS JUST THE WAY WE ARE?

 

Because you have been conditioned to reject, not to accept. You have been conditioned to deny, you have been conditioned to say 'no'. You have not yet known how to say 'yes'. You have been conditioned to condemn. You were condemned and the same you are doing to others. You go on condemning yourself also, and of course the same you have to do with others. You cannot do otherwise.

 

Your parents were telling you, 'You are wrong, this is not right, this should never be done,' and a thousand and one times they have repeated it. And you have gathered one message: that you are not accepted as you are, you are not loved for your simple being.

 

If you fulfill their desires they love you; their love is a bargain. If you follow them like shadows, they appreciate, they approve. If you just become a little free and you try to be an individual, they are against you -- their eyes, their behaviour, everything changes. And every child is so helpless -- just to survive he has to be political, he has to accept whatsoever the parents are saying.

 

-Osho, The Discipline of Transcendence, Vol 1, #6

 

 

 

The parents have to learn that the child should not be insulted, humiliated, condemned. If you want to help him, love him more. Appreciate what is good in him rather than emphasizing what is bad. Talk about his goodness. Let the whole neighborhood know how nice and beautiful a boy he is. You may be able to shift his energy from the bad side to the good side, from the dark side to the lighted side, because you will make him aware that this is the way to get respect, this is the way to be honored. And you will prevent him from doing anything that makes him fall down in people's eyes.

 

But parents go on doing the same as Adolf Hitler's parents were doing. Teachers go on doing the same. Priests go on doing the same: calling people sinners, condemning them for everything.

 

The natural outcome is, everybody is carrying an inferiority complex in him. And that is the most dangerous thing to carry within you. It hurts, and one wants to get rid of it. And the only way to get rid of it is to prove to the whole world that you are not inferior. Only when the whole world accepts that you are not inferior, will you be able to feel that that inferiority complex was wrong.

 

The inferiority complex leads people into politics, makes people presidents, prime ministers. The inferiority complex leads people into all kinds of ambitions, crimes.

 

-Osho, "From Death to Deathlessness, #15"

 

 

 

Every child has to disobey the father. Unless a child disobeys the father he never becomes mature. It is nothing, original, it is very simple and natural. It is very psychological. There comes an age when every child has to say NO to the parents. If he does not say no to the parents he will not have a spine; he will be spineless. If he cannot say no to the parents, he will be a slave his whole life. He will never attain to individuality.

 

Adam and Eve did not commit any sin; they simply became mature. They said no, they disobeyed. When your child goes behind the house and starts smoking don't be worried too much; he is simply disobeying you That is part of growth. If he never disobeys you, be worried. Take him to the psychoanalyst -- something is wrong with him. If he ALWAYS obeys you then he has no soul; he is abnormal, he is not normal.

 

Be happy when your child disobeys you. Thank God that now he has started moving towards becoming an individual. It is only by disobeying, rebelling, that a child attains authentic individuality. If parents are wise they will be happy.

 

-Osho, “Be Still and Know, #2”

 

 

 

Every child is simple, just a clean slate. Then the parents start writing on his slate -- what he has to become. Then the teachers, the priests, the leaders -- they all go on emphasizing that you have to become somebody; otherwise, you have wasted your life. Just the opposite is the case.

 

You are a being. You need not become anybody else. That is the meaning of simplicity: remaining at ease with one's being, and not going on any track of becoming -- which is unending.

 

-Osho, “From Death to Deathlessness, #6”

 

 

 

 

If you are born in a Hindu family your parents will start teaching you that you are a Hindu. Now they are creating a hypnotic state. Nobody is a Hindu -- but this child is innocent, he can be befooled. This child is simple. He will believe the parents, that he is a Hindu -- not only a Hindu, but a brahmin, not only a brahmin, but a deshastha brahmin. Sects within sects, just like Chinese boxes -- boxes within boxes. And the more he becomes narrowed, the more he becomes a prisoner. The box goes on getting smaller and smaller. He was just like the sky when he was born. Then he became a Hindu, a smaller box; then he became a brahmin -- a smaller box; then he became a Deshastha -- an even smaller box.

 

-Osho, “A Bird on the Wing, #11”

 

 

 

Love your children, but never give your ideologies. Love your children, let them feel that Jesus has done something for you, or Mohammed has done something for you, Or Mahavira -- let them feel, but don't force. Let them grow in freedom. Let them see when you pray, let them see your tears rolling down on the cheeks and the beauty of it. Let them see when you bow down to Jesus, let them watch... and children are very very watchful, very sensitive -- if things are not forced on them, they will move on their own. When they see you crying beautiful tears, when they see you bowing down before Jesus and they feel the vibe... suddenly everything has become quiet, suddenly the father is no more the father and the mother is no more the mother, suddenly they have become luminous beings... he will also start bowing down. Maybe in secret when you are not watching, he will go and he will also bow down. He would like to know what happens when one bows down to Jesus or Buddha, when one prays. Let them catch it -- don't teach it, don't force it. Everything becomes ugly when forced.

 

Freedom is the basic thing. Consciousness grows in freedom and starts dying, becomes paralyzed and crippled, when things are forced. And up to now, this has been done. This is the greatest crime that parents have always committed against children. They go on forcing the child -- they are afraid, they don't trust their own prayer.

 

-Osho, “The Divine Melody, #2”

 

 

 

The world is not religious because religion is imposed upon us. The parents are in a hurry to impose; the church, the state, the country -- everybody is in a hurry to impose a certain religion on the child. How foolish! How stupid! Religion needs maturity, great understanding, before one can choose.

 

Nobody is born a Hindu or a Mohammedan or a Parsi. Everybody is born clean, innocent, a TABULA RASA, and then everyone has to seek and search. This is the beauty of life because life is an inquiry. And don't be settled too early; there is no need. It is possible that no existing religion may satisfy you. But that is good; that means a new religion is born in you. The world becomes richer: one more religion, one more flower, one more tree -- a new phenomenon.

 

-Osho, “The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha, Vol 1, #4”

 

 

 

It is absolutely impossible to be responsible for yourself unless you learn to love yourself. Every child is born with tremendous love for himself. It is the society that destroys that love, it is the religion that destroys that love -- because if a child goes on growing in loving himself, who is going to love Jesus Christ? Who is going to love the president, Ronald Reagan? Who is going to love the parents?

 

The child's love for himself has to be distracted. He has to be conditioned so that his love is always towards an object outside himself. It makes man very poor, because when you love somebody outside of yourself, whether it is God, the pope, the father, the wife, the husband, the children -- whoever is the object of your love -- it makes you dependent on the object. You become secondary in your own eyes, you become a beggar.

 

You were born an emperor, utterly contented within yourself. But the father wants you to love him, the mother wants you to love her. Everybody around you wants to become an object for your love. Nobody bothers that a man who cannot love himself cannot love anybody else either.

 

So a very mad society is created where everybody is trying to love somebody -- and they have nothing to give. Nor has the other person anything to give. Why are lovers continuously fighting, nagging, harassing each other? The simple reason is they are not getting what they were thinking to get. Both are beggars, both are empty.

 

A rightly brought up child will be allowed to grow in love towards himself so that he becomes so full of love that sharing becomes a necessity. He is so burdened with love that he wants somebody to share it. And then love never makes you dependent on anybody. You are the giver; the giver is never a beggar. And the other is also a giver.

 

-Osho, “From Death to Deathlessness, #8, Q1”

 

 

 

The parents, the society, the state, the church, the educational system, they all depend on lies. As the child is born they start trapping it into lies. And the child is helpless. He cannot escape his parents, he is utterly dependent. You can exploit his dependence... and it has been exploited down the ages.

 

Nobody has been exploited so much as children -- neither the proletariat nor women, nobody has been exploited so much and so deeply and so destructively as the innocent children. Because they are helpless and dependent they have to learn whatsoever you teach them. They have to imbibe all the falsehoods that you go on forcing upon them. It is a question of survival for them -- they cannot survive without you. It is a question of life and death! They have to be Hindus, they have to be Mohammedans, they have to be Jainas, they have to be Buddhists, they have to be communists. Whatsoever you are interested in putting into their minds, you go on putting it in.

 

Instead of making them more alert, more aware, more alive, more reflective, instead of making them more mirrorlike, pure, you make them full of ideas...layers and layers of dust. And then it becomes impossible for them to see that which is. They start seeing that which is not and they stop seeing that which is.

 

Hence, to be really religious means a rebirth: again becoming like a child, dropping all that the society has given to you.

 

Religion is a rebellion -- a rebellion against all that has been forced upon you, a rebellion against being reduced to a computer. Just look inside! Whatsoever you know, you have been told; it is not your knowing, it is not authentic. How can it be authentic if it is not yours? You are not a witness to it, you are just a victim -- a victim of circumstances.

 

It is just an accident to be born in India or to be born in England. It is just an accident to be born in a Hindu family or in a Christian family. Because of these accidents your essential nature has been lost -- you have been forced to lose it. If you want to regain it you will have to be reborn.

 

-Osho, “The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha, Vol 1, #3”

 

 

 

If parents are really wise they will create opportunities for the children to say no -- and beautiful opportunities. Right now, unknowingly, they give ugly opportunities. For example, you say to the child, "Don't smoke cigarettes." This is an ugly opportunity because the child WILL smoke -- you have tempted the child to smoke cigarettes. You should have told him something better -- "Don't go out in the sun. Don't climb the tree." But you say to the children, "Don't eat ice cream." You should say to them, "Don't eat fruit" -- that will be a wise temptation! "Eat as much ice cream as you want, but don't eat fruit." Give them such a temptation as leads them to say no to you but does not harm their lives; otherwise they will remain deformed their whole lives.

 

-Osho, “Be Still and Know, #5”

 

 

 

No child is born with an inferiority complex. It is the parents, the teachers, the priests, the society, the culture, which are responsible for creating the inferiority complex in the child. And the only way for the child to get rid of it seems to be to prove himself worthy according to the expectations of others. It creates a very miserable situation. He is not growing towards his own potential, he is following guidelines given by others. He will become somebody else that he was not by his nature supposed to be. He will never be happy; misery is going to be his lot. He may be able to assert himself; he may not be able to prove he is worthy, or he may be able to prove he is -- whatever the case, misery is going to be the end result.

 

-Osho, “From Bondage to Freedom, #31”

 

 

 

There is no need to teach anything. One day you will suddenly find when you open your eyes after your prayer, that your child is sitting by your side -- deep, somewhere else, his eyes closed. He does not know the words, but now he understands the feeling, and that is REAL baptism.

 

Don't force him to go to church because church will corrupt him, and he will start thinking that religion is nothing but a business. He will understand by and by, that religion is nothing but politics.

 

All mystics, without exception, know that all religions are true; all philosophers, without exception, know that all religions are false; and all politicians, without exception, know that all religions are useful.

 

Don't teach the child the politics of religion. Leave him intact, alone, but give him an opportunity, a milieu, an atmosphere, a climate where he can feel in touch with what religion is. Then he will be religious. He may not be a Christian, but that is pointless, that is meaningless. He may not be a Hindu, but he will be religious. But parents are more interested that the child should be a Christian -- he should follow the same foolishness that they have been following. The child should be a Hindu -- he should be corrupted in the same way they have been corrupted. The child should have an identity of belonging to some organization -- the same that they belong to. This is the politics of religion; it is not religion at all.

 

If you really love your child, will you want him to be a Christian, or a Hindu, or a Mohammedan? -- no, never! If you love your child you will never want him to be a Christian. What has Christianity done to the world? -- it is an ugly dis-ease. You will not like him to be a Mohammedan. What has Mohammedanism done to the world? -- it has been just violence. You will not like him to be a Hindu because what has Hinduism done? -- it is just a fossilized death: stale, dead for centuries, a corpse; it stinks. No, if you love your child you will make him aware not to fall into any trap, not to be trapped because there are enemies all around: the priest, the missionary, the temple, the church. You will make him aware,'Don't be trapped by anybody. Remain free, remain loving, search and seek and find your God. The God that you find is the only God. The God that is taught is not God; it is just a word. And when you have found YOUR religion, it is not separate from life, it is one with it. It is life itself!‘

 

-Osho, “Come Follow To You, Vol 4, #2”