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on Intimacy – Just to be sexually related to somebody is not intimacy

 

Prem means love, devarahi means a divine pilgrim. The full name will mean a divine pilgrim of love. Life is a pilgrimage, and unless love is attained, it remains only a pilgrimage never reaching anywhere. It goes on moving in circles and never does the moment of fulfillment come when one can say ’I have arrived. I have become that for which I had come. The seed is fulfilled in the flowers.’

 

Love is the goal – life is the journey. And a journey without a goal is bound to be neurotic, haphazard; it will not have any direction. One day you are going north and another day you are going south. It will remain accidental – anything can lead you anywhere. You will remain a driftwood unless the goal is clear. It may be a very distant star, that doesn’t make any difference, but it should be clear. Distant – if it is distant it is okay, but it should be there. Your eyes can remain focussed on it, then the journey of ten thousand miles is not a long journey.

 

If you are moving in the right direction then the longest journey is not such a problem. But if you are moving in a wrong direction or not moving in any direction at all or moving in all directions together. then life starts collapsing. That’s what neurosis is: the collapse in energy, not knowing where to go, what to do, what to be. Not knowing where to go, not knowing what it is all about, leaves a gap inside, a wound, a dark hole, and constant fear will arise out of it.

 

That’s why people live in trembling. They may hide it, they may cover it up, they may not show it to anybody, but they live in fear. That’s why people are so afraid of being intimate with somebody. The fear is that the other may see the black hole inside you if you allow him too close an intimacy.

 

The word ’intimacy’ comes from a Latin root: ’intimum’. ’Intimum’ means your interiority, your innermost core. Unless you have something there you can’t be intimate with anybody. You cannot allow intimum, intimacy, because he will see the hole, the wound and the pus oozing out of it. He will see that you don’t know who you are, that you are a madman, that you don’t know where you are going, that you have not even heard your own song, that your life is a chaos, it is not a cosmos.

 

Hence the fear of intimacy. Even lovers rarely become intimate. And just to be sexually related to somebody is not intimacy. The genital orgasm is not all that is there in intimacy. It is just the periphery of it; intimacy can be with it, can be without it.

 

Intimacy is a totally different dimension. It is allowing the other to come into you, to see you as you see yourself, to allow the other to see you from your inside, to invite somebody to that deepest core of your being. In the modern world intimacy is disappearing. Even lovers are not intimate. Friendship is only a word now – it has disappeared. And the reason? The reason is that there is nothing to share. And who wants to show one’s inner poverty? One wants to pretend ’I am rich, I have arrived, I know what I am doing, I know where I am going.’

 

One is not ready and courageous enough to open up, to show one’s inner chaos and to be vulnerable. The other may exploit it – that fear is there. The other may become too dominant seeing that you are a chaos. Seeing that you need a master, that you are not a master of your own being, the other may become the master. Hence everybody tries to protect themselves, so nobody knows their inner helplessness, otherwise they can be exploited. This world consists of much exploitation.

 

Love is the goal, and once the goal is clear you start growing an inner richness. The wound disappears and becomes a lotus; the wound is transformed into a lotus. That is the miracle of love, the magic of love. Love is the greatest alchemical force in the world. Those who know how to use it can reach the highest peak called god. Those who know not how to use it remain crawling in the dark recesses of existence; they never come to the sunlit peaks of life.

 

– Osho, “Don’t Look Before You Leap, #24”

 

 

 


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    Indifference is the worst kind of behavior a man can adopt

    You can love someone, you can hate someone, but don’t be neutral, don’t be indifferent. You can like, you can dislike — in either case you are taking a standpoint. But don’t say, “It does not matter to me.” The moment you become neutral you are simply saying that whether that man exists or dies it makes no difference to you. This is the gr...
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    Love is a Friendliness

    Question 1: Osho, Thank you so much for your teachings. i am very grateful. I came here very hungry and you are feeding me. My question is: I have been raised to believe that commitment is absolutely necessary if a relationship is to work. How can two people be committed to each other? How does a relationship work? I am afraid of commitmen...
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    who is a real friend?

    Question 4: I have many friends, but the question, ‘who is a real friend?’, Always arises in my mind. will you say something about it? You are asking from the wrong end. Never ask, "Who is my real friend?" Ask, "Am I a real friend to somebody?" That is the right question. Why are you worried about others - whether they are friends to you o...
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    if marriage arises out of intimacy then it is beautiful

    Question : Recently you talked again about the adverse aspects of marriage. Would you please talk about what you mean by intimacy? Particularly, when is staying together through difficult times positive and when is it negative? MARRIAGE is a way to avoid intimacy. It is a trick to create a formal relationship. Intimacy is informal. 11 marr...
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    on Lord Krishna Friendship with Sudama

    Question 2: You say that persons like krishna don’t make friends nor do they make foes. Then how is it that he as a king comes running down to the gate of his palace to receive sudama, his poor old friend of childhood days and gives him all the wealth of the world in return for a handful of rice that his poor friend has brought as his pres...
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    on Intimacy – Just to be sexually related to somebody is not intimacy

    Prem means love, devarahi means a divine pilgrim. The full name will mean a divine pilgrim of love. Life is a pilgrimage, and unless love is attained, it remains only a pilgrimage never reaching anywhere. It goes on moving in circles and never does the moment of fulfillment come when one can say ’I have arrived. I have become that for whic...
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    Friendship is a relationship, Friendliness is a state of your being

    To have friends in need is sweet and to share happiness. And to have done something good before leaving this life is sweet, And to let go of sorrow. To be a mother is sweet, and a father. It is sweet to live arduously, And to master yourself. Oh how sweet it is to enjoy life, Living in honesty and strength! And wisdom is sweet, And freedom...
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    In a man's life there are three types of relationships.

    In a man's life there are three types of relationships. There are relationships of the intellect, which cannot be very deep. The relationship between a teacher and a student is this type of relationship. There are relationships of love, which are deeper than the intellect. The relationships between a mother and child, between brothers, bet...
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    on Intimacy – Everybody is afraid of intimacy

    Question : Osho, Of my many fears, the one of which i am most aware is that of intimacy. I am like a hit and run driver in my relationships with people. Could you speak to me of my fear of intimacy? Ramaprem, everybody is afraid of intimacy. It is another thing whether you are aware of it or not. Intimacy means exposing yourself before a s...
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    Meditation needs not followers but friends.

    Friendship exists between two persons; it is relationship. Friendliness is only a quality; it need not depend on any relationship. It is just the way you live your lire -- it is a friendly life. You are friendly to everything, to the whole existence. You are just a friend, not addressed to anybody in particular, but addressed to the whole,...
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    Friends go on turning into enemies

    Beloved Osho, Of the friend Our faith in others betrays wherein we would dearly like to have faith in ourselves. Our longing for a friend is our betrayer. And often with our love we only want to leap over envy. And often we attack and make an enemy in order to conceal that we are vulnerable to attack. 'At least be my enemy!' - thus speaks ...
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    Friendliness means: standing exposed to each other, because you have a trust.

    "And a youth said, speak to us of friendship. And he answered, saying: Your friend is your needs answered. He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving. And he is your board and your fireside. For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace. When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in ...
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    What is real authentic friendliness?

    Question 2: Osho, What is real authentic friendliness? Anand Shantideva, the question you have asked is very complex. You will have to understand a few other things before you can understand what real authentic friendliness is. The first is friendship. Friendship is love without any biological tones to it. It is not the friendship that you...
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