Buddha has said, “Unless you cease to be, you cannot be still. You are the problem, you are the noise, you are the movement. So unless you cease completely you cannot attain perfect stillness. Because of this, Buddha is known as anatmawadi — one who believes in no-self.
We go on thinking that we are, that “I am”. This “I” is a very false thing. And because of this I, many diseases are created; because of this I, you go on accumulating the past; because of this I, you go on thinking about repeating past pleasures. Everything else hangs on this I — the past, the future, the desires.
Buddha came to know through deep meditation that we can leave the desires of the world, but if the I remains then it begins to desire MOKSHA — Ultimate Liberation, freedom to be one with God, to be one with the Brahman. If this I remains, desires will be there, whatsoever their direction and whatsoever their object.
Buddha says, “Drop this I-centered existence.” But how to drop it? Who will drop it? If there is no I, who will drop it? Who will think to drop it? By “dropping” is meant to go inside and find it, to search for it, to see where it is, whether it is or not — because those who have gone in and those who have searched for it have never found it. It is only those who have never gone in, never searched for it, who believe in it, that it is there. No one has ever found that anything like “I” exists.
When I say “I am”, the “am” is the reality, not the “I”. When you go in you feel a certain “am-ness”: a certain existential feeling is there. You know something is there, but it is not you. There is no feeling of I. Only a diffused am-ness is felt, the Existence is felt with no I.
So another thing for entering into the third dimension: whenever you have time, whenever, try to find out where this I is. You need not go to a temple. If you go, it is good, but you need not. You are just travelling in the train: close your eyes; try to find out where this I is. In the body In the mind? Where is it? Go with an open mind. Just find out where it is. Just sitting in your car or just Lying in your bed, whenever you have a few moments to close your eyes, then close them — and with just one question: “Where does this I exist? Where is it? Where is I?”
Raman Maharshi has given a meditation. He calls it the “Who am I?” meditation. Buddha would say that this will not do, because when you ask “Who am I?” you have already supposed that you are. Then that is not questioned. If the only question is “Who am I?” then “I am” is settled already. You have presupposed it. Now you are just asking, “Who am I?” The I is not really questioned. Buddhist meditation says ask, “Where am I?” not “Who?”
Go to every nook and corner inside, search with an open mind, and you will not find yourself anywhere. You will find a silent Existence. but with no I. And do not think that this is very difficult. This is not! Even if you just close your eyes here and try to find out “Where am I?” you will not find out. You will find many other things. Your heart will be beating, your breathing will be there, you will find many thoughts floating in the mind. You may find many things. but you will not find any I, any ego there.
Buddha says ego is just a collective notion — just like “society”, just like “nation”, just like “humanity”. You cannot find them anywhere. We are sitting here. We can call this a “class”, but we cannot find it. If we go to search for it, we will find individuals, not any class. No group will be found — only individuals. “Group” is just a name for a collectivity. We call many trees a forest. There exists no forest — only trees and trees and trees. If you go in, then you will find trees, and the forest will disappear. This I is just a collective name. You are a group. The Buddhist word is sangha — just a compound, a collective thing. You are many things, but not I. Go in and find out. Buddha says, “Do not believe me. Go in and find out; peep in and find out.” Then it is never found.
So in this third dimension there is non-beingness or egolessness. When one finds that one is not, one is still: stillness has happened. You cannot be tense, you cannot be non-still, you cannot be in a deep inner noise if there is no ego. The whole show is withdrawn.
But what are we doing? Every moment we are doing things to feed this I — to give it more strength, to give it more energy, to give it more fuel. We are every moment trying to sustain it. It is a false notion, but it can be sustained and maintained. You can go on believing in it and creating situations in which it becomes easier and easier to believe in it. I is a belief. It is not a fact.
Everyone is a believer in the ego. People will ask, “Where is God? Unless we find Him we cannot believe in Him.” Even those persons will go on believing in their egos without trying to find out whether any such thing exists. This is a miracle. We can doubt God, but we cannot doubt ourselves. And unless We doubt ourselves, we cannot move into stillness. With that doubt everything is shattered. A religious man is born by doubting his ego and doubting himself.
We have taken I for granted. We never ask about it, whether it is there or not. And if someone makes us aware that it is not there, he is an enemy. Friends are those who help us to be stronger egos. Our family, our society, our nation, they all help us to be centered in our egos. Religion dethrones you. You are put down from your pedestal: you are not. And if you are not, you will be in a deep abyss of stillness — bottomless, infinite — because this I is the disturber, this I is the disease, this I is the nuisance. That is the problem.
Tanka was staying in a village. Someone comes and asks, “Help me! Teach me! Initiate me! I want to be free! I want to attain moksha!”
Tanka says to him, “I Cannot make you free. I can dissolve your ‘you’ but I cannot make you free.” There is no freedom for the I. There is only one freedom and that is freedom from the I. There is no moksha for the I, no Liberation for I. There is only one Liberation and that is from the I, not for the I.
So what can you do? You Can ponder over it without any preconceptions. Whenever you have time, just close your eyes, go in, and find out where you are. And soon you will stumble upon the fact that you exist as part of the infinite Existence, not as a separate island. No man is an island. We are parts of an infinite continent. The I gives you the false notion of being an island, and then every trouble is created. I is the troublemaker. Every violence, war, crime, every madness, is created by this I. We go on clinging to it and clinging to it. This clinging must be stopped.
You must be uprooted from your own I. No one else can do this and no yoga practice will help, because if you go on practising without searching for this I, then whatsoever the practice, the I will be strengthened by it. If you meditate, this I will say, “I am meditating.” If you renounce the world, this I will say, “I have renounced this world.” If you become a sannyasin this I will say, “I have become a sannyasin, I have attained this, I have attained that.” In this world or in that world this I will go on becoming strengthened by your efforts.
So it happens that a person who has practised much austerity becomes an egoist in a more subtle way. He becomes more of an I rather than becoming part of the great mainland, the great continent. He becomes a peak of ego. This is possible for everyone. So it is not only wealth or prestige or worldly things and possessions that will become food for the I. I can convert everything into its food.
So before entering on the spiritual path, Buddha’s advice has to be always remembered. He has said, “Before you enter any path, first find out whether this I exists or not. Only then will your path be spiritual. Otherwise, whatsoever the path may be, it will ultimately prove worldly, because this I will exploit it.”
Once Mulla Nasrudin came back from the capital to his village. The whole village gathered around him to ask the news about the capital, about what was happening there. And in those days of no newspapers, it was a big event for the village: A man has been to the capital and has come back! And no ordinary man at that, but Mulla Nasrudin himself, the only literate man in the town! When everyone was gathered, Mulla was just silent, very serious. He had just come back from the capital. The whole village was just mad, crazy to know what had happened. Then Mulla said, “At this time I will not tell you much, only one thing — I met the Emperor. And not only that: he has spoken to me. But I will give you the details later on.”
The village dispersed. The whole village became enthusiastic over only one thing: Mulla Nasrudin has met the Emperor. And not only that: the Emperor has spoken to him! But one man still remained there, and he persisted to ask, “What has he spoken? Tell me Mulla. Otherwise I am not going to leave. I cannot sleep now because I am so excited. What has he spoken? Just tell a little. Do not go into details, but just tell the essence.”
So Mulla said, “There are not many details. When he saw me standing, he shouted,’Get out of my way!’ This was the only thing he spoke to me.”
But the villager was satisfied because these were no ordinary words. They were spoken by the Emperor! The very same words spoken by the Emperor he has heard! The man who asked was. satisfied, and he said, “It is so fortunate to be born in your village, Mulla. Imagine! I have heard the very same words that were spoken by the Emperor! He himself said to you,’Get out of my way!’ ”
Nasrudin said, “He himself! He came near me and spoke not in a whisper, but in such a loud voice that everyone heard: ‘Get out of my way.’ He cried it, really. He screamed.”
Mind is such, the ego is such, that it tries to fulfill itself in each and every way. Subtle are its ways, even foolish, but subtle. If you try to do something toward spirituality, the ego may poison it. Before going into that dimension, remember that you are not an ego. If you find out for once that this ego is not there, then everything becomes spiritual and every path becomes a spiritual path. Then wherever you go, you will go to the Divine. Then every path leads to the Divine. With the ego, no path leads to the Divine. With the ego, even if you go to Mecca or to Jerusalem or to Kashi, you will reach hell.
You cannot go anywhere because the ego is the hell. Without the ego, go anywhere, even to hell, and you will find heaven there — because without the ego, anywhere is heaven. The ego is the root cause of all misery.
These are the three dimensions of stillness — silence as soundlessness, silence as a no-movement of the mind, silence as egolessness. Start with any one, and the other two will follow by and by. Or, you can start working on all the three. Then the whole work will be speedy. But do not go on thinking, because thinking is a movement, thinking is a noise, and thinking is a process of the ego.
Stop thinking and start doing. Only doing helps, only doing can make you existential. Only through doing is there the jump and the explosion.
- Osho, “The Ultimate Alchemy, Vol 2, #8, Q1”