Question 

I have too much sexual energy burning within my body. When I dance, sometimes I feel I am going to kill the whole world and at some stages so much anger and violence bubbles within my body that I can't channelise the energy into meditation techniques and it drives me crazy. I don't feel to go into the sex act but violent energy is still burning like volcanic fire. I can't bear it and it makes, me sometimes suicidal. Please explain how to give a creative outlet to this energy.

 

 

The problem is created by the mind, not by the energy. Listen to the energy. It is showing you the right direction. It is not sexual energy which is creating the problem -- it has never created any problems in the animals, in the trees, in the birds. The energy creates problems because your mind has a wrong attitude about it.

 

This question is from an Indian lady. In India the whole upbringing is against sex. Then you create the problem. And then, whenever there is energy you will feel sexual because something is incomplete within you. Something that is unfulfilled will always wait and it will assert energy, exploit energy.

 

In the dynamic methods of meditation much energy is created. Many hidden sources are tapped and new sources become available. If sex has remained an unfulfilled desire then this energy will start moving towards sex. You will become more and more sexual if you meditate.

 

Let me tell you one thing that happened in India. Jaina monks completely stopped meditating because of sexual energy. They forgot all about meditation because they were repressing sex so much that whenever they meditated, energy would rise. Meditation gives you tremendous energy. It is a source of eternal energy, you cannot exhaust it. So whenever energy arose they would start feeling sexual. They became afraid of meditations. They dropped them. The most essential thing that Mahavira had given to them they dropped, and the non-essential -- fasting and keeping rituals -- they continued. They fit with an anti-sexual attitude.

 

I am not anti-sexual because I am not anti-life. So there is not the problem where you think it is: the problem is in your head, not in your sexual glands. You will have to change your attitude otherwise whatsoever you do will be coloured by your sexuality. You meditate and it will become sexual; you look at somebody and your eyes will become sexual; you touch somebody and your hand will become sexual; you eat something and eating will become sexual.

 

So people who deny sex start eating more. You can watch it in life. Freely flowing, sexually flowing people will not be very fat, they will not eat too much. Love is so satisfying, love is so fulfilling, they will not go on stuffing their body with food. When they can't love, or when they can't allow themselves to move into love, they start eating too much. That becomes a substitute activity.

 

Go and see Hindu monks. They go on gathering unnecessary fat. They become ugly. That is another extreme. At one extreme are Jaina monks who cannot eat because they are afraid that once they eat, food will release energy and the energy will immediately move to the incomplete desire waiting for it. First it goes to the uncompleted experience which is hanging in the middle -- that is the first requirement so energy moves there. The body has a certain economy: wherever energy is needed first, energy moves there first. There is a hierarchy of needs. A person who has been denying sex will have a hierarchy -- sex will be first on the list. And whenever energy is available it will start moving to the most unfulfilled desire. So Jaina monks cannot eat well, they are afraid, and Hindu monks eat too much. The problem is the same but they have solved it in two extreme ways.

 

If you eat too much you start getting a certain sexual enjoyment by eating, by filling your belly too much. Too much food brings lethargy. And too much food is always a substitute for love because the first thing the child comes in contact with is the mother's breast. That breast is the first experience in the world and the breast gives two things to the child: love and food.

 

So love and food become deeply entangled with each other. Whenever love is missing, your childish mind will think,'Get more food. Supplement it.' Have you ever watched? When you are feeling very full of love your desire to eat disappears, you don't feel so much appetite. But whenever love is missing, you start eating too much, you don't know what to do now. Love was filling a certain space inside you, now that space is empty and you don't know any other way to fill it than food. You create problems by denying nature, by rejecting nature.

 

So I would like to tell the questioner that it is not a question of meditation. Lady, you need love. You need a lover. And you need courage to move into it.

 

It is difficult to move into love -- there are very hidden fears in it. Love creates as much fear as nothing else can because the moment you start approaching the other you have to go outside yourself. And who knows? The other may accept you or may reject you. The fear arises. You start feeling hesitant -- whether to take the move or not, whether to approach the other or not. Hence all over the world the coward ages of the past have decided for marriage instead of love, because if people were left open to love, very few people would be able to love. Most would die without love; they would live and drag out their lives without love.

 

Because love is dangerous.... The moment you start moving towards somebody else you are coming close to colliding with another world. Who knows if your approach will be accepted or rejected? How can you be certain the other is going to say yes to your need and to your desire? That the other is going to be compassionate, loving? How do you know? He may reject you. He may say no. You may say,'I love you' but what is the guarantee that he will also feel love for you? He may not. There is no necessity for it. The fear of rejection is very shattering.

 

So cunning and clever people decide not to move at all. Keep to yourself, then at least you are not rejected. And you can go on enhancing your ego with the idea that nobody has ever rejected you, even though that ego is absolutely impotent and is not enough to fulfil you. You need to be needed; you need somebody to accept you; you need somebody to love you because only when somebody else loves you, will you be able to love yourself, not before it. When somebody accepts you, you will be able to accept yourself, not before it. When somebody else feels happy with you; you will start feeling happy with yourself, not before it. The other becomes a mirror.

 

Each relationship is a mirror. It reflects you. How can you know yourself without the mirror? There is no way. Others' eyes become mirror-like, and when somebody loves you, that mirror is very, very sympathetic towards you; very, very happy with you; delighted with you. In those delighted eyes you are reflected and for the first time a certain acceptability arises.

 

Otherwise you have been rejected from the very beginning. It is part of the ugly structure of society that each child comes to feel that he is not accepted for himself. If he does something good -- of course, whatsoever the parents think is good -- if he does that, he is accepted; if he does something wrong -- what the parents think is wrong -- he is rejected. The child sooner or later starts feeling,'I am not accepted for myself, not as I am, not intrinsically, but for what I do. Not my being is loved but my doing.' And that creates a deep self-rejection, a deep self-hatred. He starts hating himself.

 

If you don't fall in love, if you don't find lovers and friends who can accept you, you will remain with that rejection your whole life. Love is a must. You must move through it. You can come out of it one day, you can transcend it one day -- it has to be transcended -- but how can you transcend it if you never enter into it?

 

So don't be afraid. And drop all nonsense from the head. Yes, there is fear. You may be rejected but don't be afraid of that fear. That risk has to be taken, only then somebody will come and accept you. If you knock at a hundred doors and ninety-nine remain closed, don't be afraid -- one will open. Somebody is waiting for you. Somebody will be fulfilled through you and you will be fulfilled through somebody. Somebody is waiting to become a mirror for you because somebody is waiting to make you a mirror for himself. And there is no other way to find out who that one is than to go on knocking, groping. It is risky, but life is risky.

 

So very clever people miss life, they never take the risk. Afraid of falling, they never walk; afraid of drowning, they never swim; afraid of rejection, they never move in love; afraid of failure, they never make any effort to succeed in anything -- their life is not life at all. They are dead before their death. They die many times before they really die. Their whole life is nothing but a gradual death.

 

Live, and live intensely, and don't take it as a personal offence if somebody cannot love you -- there is no necessity. You were ready, you were available. If the other is not willing, that is for him to decide. Don't make it a wound, it is not. It simply says that you two don't fit -- that's all -- it doesn't say anything about you or about the other. Don't say that the other is wrong and don't think that it is because you are wrong that you are not accepted. It is just you could not fit.

 

And it is good that the other did not deceive you, that he said,'Sorry, I don't feel any love for you.' At least he was sincere and authentic. Because if he had said a formal yes, then your whole life would have been a mess. Be true. When you love, say it, and when you don't, say that too. Be true and sincere.

 

And there are so many beautiful people in the world, why remain with yourself? Walk a few steps with somebody. Feel that rhythm also. That rhythm will satisfy you and the urge will disappear. And when the urge disappears, your meditation will be the first in the hierarchy. Meditation can be the first in the hierarchy only if you have not been denying yourself that which is natural.

 

A person who has been fasting cannot meditate because whenever he meditates he thinks about food, whenever he closes his eyes he visualises food. A man who is denying love cannot meditate; whenever he meditates, immediately sexuality surrounds him.

 

Fulfil all natural needs, nothing is wrong in them. What is wrong in food, in sex? Nothing is wrong. Fulfil them. Be so natural that when you meditate there is no other thing waiting for your attention. If you fulfil your natural needs you will see that your dreams will disappear. In the night you will not dream because there is nothing to dream about. Fast, then you will dream about food; force celibacy on yourself, then you will dream about sex. If you are moving naturally, if you have found a tune between you and nature.... That's what I call DHARMA, that's what I call the ultimate law of life. Find yourself almost always in rhythm. Sometimes even if you go out of step come back again; remember and fall into line again. Remain with nature and you will reach to the goal; remain with nature and you will find God. You can even forget about God, then too you will find him -- if you remain true to nature. Because when lower needs are fulfilled, higher needs arise; when higher needs are fulfilled, ultimate needs arise. This is the natural economy of life.

 

If a person is hungry, how can he understand music? It is sheer absurdity to ask him to listen to classical music when he is hungry. Or to tell him to meditate or to sit in zazen. He cannot think anything about Buddha, cannot think anything about God or Jesus. He cannot meditate, his mind will flicker and waver; it will go again and again to his empty stomach. No, he cannot love poetry and he cannot love music when the first needs are unfulfilled. Give him fulfillment in the first, primary needs -- food, shelter, love -- and then suddenly the energy is released from the lower world and he will start reading poetry, listening to music; he will enjoy dancing. Now higher needs are arising: he would like to paint or sculpt. These are luxuries. They only come into existence when lower needs are fulfilled. And when these higher needs are also fulfilled -- you have loved music, listened to music; you have loved poetry, enjoyed it; you have painted, danced -- one day you will see a new realm of needs is arising called the ultimate needs: meditation, God, prayer.

 

If the first needs are not fulfilled, the second will not arise -- and the third is out of the question. If the first needs are fulfilled then there is the possibility for the second needs to arise and a glimpse of the third to happen also. When the second is fulfilled, the third arises automatically on its own accord.

 

Just the other day in kundalini meditation two dogs were watching. After a while one dog looked at the other and said,'When I act like that they give me worm pills.'

 

Of course, a dog has a dog's mind. He has his own world, terminology, understanding, concepts. He can only think that people who are doing kundalini either have worms in their stomach or have gone crazy. And that is natural to a dog's understanding.

 

Your mind has been conditioned for centuries by people who have not understood your real needs. They have not bothered at all. They were looking for something else and they have managed that very well... they were looking for how to dominate people. And the easiest way is to create a guilty conscience -- then it is very easy to dominate people. Once the guilt exists you will be dominated by one or the other, by this or that, but you will be dominated. A guilty person never feels at ease with himself, he cannot have any confidence; he knows that he is wrong so he goes and finds a leader, he goes and finds some church, he goes and finds somebody to guide him. He is unconfident, hence the need arises. Politicians, priests, have worked very hard to create a guilty conscience in everybody. Now that guilty conscience is creating trouble.

 

Drop it. Life is yours. It belongs to nobody else. No politician, no priest has anything to do with it. Don't allow anybody to meddle with your life. It is totally yours.

 

And your body is giving you the right indication; the body is very wise. The mind is a very late arrival. The body has lived millions of years, it knows what is needed. It is the mind that interferes. Mind is very immature, body is very mature. Listen to the body.

 

And when I say listen to the body, I don't mean remain confined to the body. If you listen to the body, the body will not have anything to say to you -- things will be settled. And when the body is at ease, relaxed, and there is no tension, and the body is not fighting for something, is not trying to attract your attention because you are not fulfilling a need, when the body is calm and quiet, you can float high, you can fly high, you can become a white cloud. But only when body needs are truly looked after. The body is not your enemy, it is your friend. The body is your earth, the body has all your roots. You have to find a bridge between you and your body. If you don't find that bridge, you will be constantly in conflict with your body -- and a person who is fighting with himself is always miserable.

 

The first thing is to come to a peace-pact with your body and never break it. Once you have come to a peace-pact with your body, the body will become very, very friendly. You look after the body, the body will look after you -- it becomes a vehicle of tremendous value, it becomes the very temple. One day your body itself is revealed to you as the very shrine of God.

 

-Osho, "Dang Dang Doko Dang, #10, Q1”