Seeking
One has to work upon oneself, but only in a negative way. One cannot work upon oneself in a positive way, because it is not a question of creating something but a question of discovering something which is already there.
When you paint, it is a positive act -- you are creating the painting -- but when you dig a well it is a negative act. The water is already there; you have only to remove a few layers of earth, stones, rocks. The moment you have removed them, the water becomes available. The water is there, You are here, and between the two there is a barrier: the barrier has to be removed. That's what I mean by negative work.
Man already has god whatsoever he is seeking and searching for. The truth is there, the bliss is there, the love is there -- in one word, God is there. God is not a person, God is only the totality of all the values which are beyond mind. But the MIND is the barrier, and you have to dig a well. You have to remove a few layers of thoughts, memories, desires, fantasies, dreams. The moment you have opened a door in the mind to the beyond, all that you always wanted becomes available.
The moment Gautam the Buddha became enlightened he laughed, and he said to nobody in particular -- he said to himself -- "This is ridiculous! I have been searching for it for thousands of lives, and it has been Lying deep down within myself!"
The sought is in the seeker. Hence the Upanishads say the method to find it is NETI NETI. NETI NETI means'neither this nor that'; it is a process of elimination. You go on negating, eliminating. Finally, when there is nothing to be eliminated, nothing to be negated, when you have totally emptied yourself, it is found.
So the first thing to be understood is: working on oneself gives you the feeling of some positive work and that is wrong. Working on oneself simply means a negative process; it is emptying yourself. And the moment you are empty of the mind and all its processes, spontaneity explodes; Once you understand that the process is negative, then there is no contradiction between the process and spontaneity.
Spontaneity simply means now there is nothing to hinder your self-nature from expressing itself. All the rocks have been removed, all the doors have been opened. Now your self-nature can sing its song, it can dance its dance.
I use both the words: sometimes I say, "Work upon yourself," and sometimes I say, "Be spontaneous." And the logical mind is bound to find a contradiction, but there is no contradiction at all -- because working on oneself means NETI NETI, neither this nor that.
Spontaneity has not to be created; if it is created it is not spontaneity. Then there is a contradiction: if it is cultivated then it is not spontaneous, obviously. A cultivated spontaneity cannot be true; it will be false, phony, pseudo, it will be only a mask. You may be simply acting, you will not be really spontaneous. And it cannot go very deep; it will remain only something painted from the outside. Just scratch the so-called cultivated, spontaneous person, and all his spontaneity will be gone. He was only acting, he was not really spontaneous.
Real spontaneity comes from the center; it is uncultivated, that's why we call it spontaneity. There is no way to cultivate it, no way to create it, no need either. But if you want to become an actor, if you want to act, then it is a totally different matter -- but remember: any real situation will immediately provoke your mind. It will come rushing towards the surface; all spontaneity will disappear.
It was carnival time, and the gay guy dressed himself up as a lioness. A hunter carrying a rifle approached him. "Bang! Bang!" He pretended to shoot him. The lioness fell down dead. The crowd was amused.
As the hunter was about to leave, the gay guy pulled off his lion's head and said softly, "It's the law of the jungle, sweetie: if you kill, you eat!"
Anything cultivated will be only on the surface, it will be only a drama; it will not be your authenticity.
So I will say the first thing to remember is: spontaneity has to be discovered -- or, it will be better to say, rediscovered, because when you were a child you were spontaneous. You have lost it because so much has been cultivated -- so many disciplines, so many moralities, virtues, characters. You have learnt to play so many roles, that's why you have forgotten the language of being just yourself.
-Osho, "Philosophia Ultima, #11, Q1"