Wife

 

 

Question 3

Osho,

What are the essential things to keep one's wife happy?

 

I don't know much about wives. I am an unmarried man. You are asking a question to a wrong person. But I have been observing many wives and many husbands. So this is not my EXPERIENCE -- just my opinion!

 

There are two things necessary to keep one's wife happy. First: let her think she is having her own way. And second: let her have it.

 

-Osho, "The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha, Vol 10, #6, Q3“

 

 

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Question 4

Osho,

I am bored with my husband. i have tried everything, but nothing seems to work. have you any suggestions?

 

Not many, just one. Write a letter to five of your friends like this:

 

Hello there!

 

This letter was started by a woman like yourself, in hopes of bringing relief to a tired and discontented wife.

 

Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything. Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired. Then bundle up your husband and send him to the woman at the top of the list and add your name to the bottom of the list.

 

When your name comes to the top of the list you will receive 16,478 men and some of them are bound to be a hell of a lot better than the one you already have.

 

DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN... HAVE FAITH!

 

One woman broke the chain and got her own sonofabitch back.

 

At the date of writing this letter, another friend of mine received 183 men. They buried her yesterday.... But it took three undertakers thirty-six hours to get the smile off her face.

 

-Osho, "The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha, Vol 9, #8, Q4“

 

 

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Question 5

I am tired of my wife. do you have any suggestions? what should i do?

 

 

Who is not tired? You think you are alone? And do you think your wife is not tired of you? Wives are tired of husbands husbands are tired of wives. But even if you change your wife nothing will change. You will become tired of another woman, that's all. If you change your husband, nothing will change; you will become tired of another husband. Yes, for a few days there will be a thrill, there will be a sensation of the new, of the novel. But the new finally becomes old, and the moment anything new becomes old you become tired.

 

So there are three layers of this tiredness: one, you become tired of your wife but you are not tired of woman. Second layer: you become so tired of so many wives that you become tired of woman. But you are still not tired of the mind that goes on hankering for the new. The third layer: you become so tired of changing so many times to the new and again it becomes old that you become tired of the mind. And when you become tired of the mind, then the moment of great discovery has arrived.

 

Otherwise, you can change very easily. Why go on getting tired of a wife? Get tired of somebody else. Even changing miseries helps a little. You will be in another misery, but at least it will be new, and for a few days there will be hope. For a few days you will think, "Now things are going to be good again." But the honeymoon will be over faster than the first honeymoon, because now you have become more understanding. If the first honeymoon was for three weeks, the second will be of two weeks, and the third will be one week, and so on and so forth.

 

Try to see the mind. The mind is in constant hankering for the new. And it cannot be satisfied because everything new automatically becomes old. So wherever you are you will always be dissatisfied. Why not get tired of this mind itself?

 

It happens in many ways but we don't watch it. Up to now in the history of man people were forced to live with one woman, with one man. They were tired of husbands and they were tired of wives, but they were not tired of women and not tired of men. Buddha became tired of women because he had many women available -- and the best. There was no further go. He become tired of all women, he became tired of women as such.

 

That's what is happening in America today. People are changing like anything -- it is a fashion. Just as you change the model of your car every year or every six months, you change your wife or your husband. But then what is happening, do you know? People are getting tired of woman herself, of man himself. And then a very strange thing is happening: people are turning gay -- homosexuals, lesbians.

 

Where will it land? When man becomes tired of woman as such there are two possibilities. If he moves in the right direction he will become tired of mind, and will start moving in meditations, prayer, religion. If he moves in the wrong direction he will become tired of women and will become interested in men -- will become homosexual.

 

Homosexuality is on the increase in the West. And then one day you will become tired of homosexuality too. Then move towards animals -- that people have done. And then...? Then there is only one thing left: create machines and make love to machines. That, too, people are doing and people have done. There are plastic women available in America. You can make love to a plastic woman. And when you make love she behaves almost as if she is real. Her nipples become erect -- a plastic thing, but managed mechanically. Maybe you have to plug it in.

 

This is moving into wrong directions, from one wrong to another wrong. This is not going to lead anywhere. And the ultimate end is suicide. One day you become so tired of everything that you commit suicide. That too is happening. Many more people are committing suicide today than ever before. And you will be surprised: more in the West, less in the East. It should not be so -- the East is so poor, so much in suffering -- if people commit suicide here, that looks logical. But people are not committing suicide here; people are committing suicide in the West where affluence has happened, where everything is available.

 

But BECAUSE everything is available, people have got ted up with everything! When things are not available you can hope. When things are available, hope disappears. Now there is no hope. You have the best car. the best yacht, the best woman, the best man, the best house -- another house in the hills, another on the sea beach. Now what to do? Where to go? Suddenly you feel tired of the whole thing, of the whole business of life. Commit suicide! Life seems meaningless.

 

This is a wrong direction. And the situation is such that you can move rightly too. If you move rightly you become a sannyasin; if you move wrongly, you become a suicide. Sannyas and suicide both come out of the same situation. Sannyas means seeing into this mind: that it gets tired of everything, so why not get tired of it and drop it? Why not drop the SOURCE itself? Why go on carrying the source? Drop the source itself! Cut the root! That's what meditation is all about.

 

But I don't know whether you really want to cut the root, or whether you want to change your wife. If you want to change your wife, I have a suggestion.

 

I have heard about a company "Homebreakers Limited". I have seen an advertisement, I will read it to you:

 

Dear Friend:

 

This chain was started in the hope of bringing happiness to all tired businessmen. Unlike most chains, it does not require money. Simply send a copy of this to five male friends, then bundle up your wife and send her to the fellow whose name heads the list. When your name reaches the top of the list, you will receive 15,186 women and some should be corkers. Have faith. Don't break the chain. One man broke it and got his wife back.

 

If you REALLY are interested in changing your life into a different dimension of joy, of non-boredom, then changing the wife won't help; You will get another woman. They come in all shapes and sizes -- but the reality is the same! They look different from far away, and so is the case with men, remember. They look different from far away. The closer you come, the less difference. The more close, the more difference has gone. The day the woman is yours, suddenly you say, "She is after all a woman," and "He is after all a man."

 

This you have been doing for many millions of lives. This is what we call in India the wheel of life and death -- the wheel of desire. And you know it! You have known it in many ways. You were hankering for a car and now the car is in your porch, and the day it arrives in your porch, suddenly all joy is gone. What to do now? Yes, it is there. One day, two days, three days, you enjoy the thrill of the new, then it becomes old. Then find another car. But you never find the mind that goes on creating trouble for you -- the source of all anguish.

 

The mind is never satisfied with that which is. This is the source of discontent. The mind is always asking for that which is not. Look at the absurdity. The mind always asks for THAT WHICH IS NOT, and is always dissatisfied with THAT WHICH IS. Now, how can you be happy with this mind? Wherever you are you will be unhappy. Unhappiness follows mind like a shadow.

 

So rather than going on changing things, see into the whole phenomenon of it. And if you really want to change, drop this mind. And with the dropping of the mind, each moment is such a joy and such a contentment.

 

Yes, it will be very very difficult for you to believe, but let me say it, let it be on record: If you drop the mind you will be simply surprised, you are again in love -- even with your own wife. With the mind dropped, one becomes love. It is not a question of wife, husband, this and that. One is simply love, one flows in love. No more will she be your wife, certainly; no more will you be her husband. These are ugly things, these should not happen in a better world.

 

With a better consciousness these things should disappear. To reduce a woman to a wife is ugly! It is immoral! To reduce a man to a husband is ugly and immoral. This is confining, this is defining. This is making a phenomenon very limited. A woman is a mystery, so is a man. Don't call her YOUR wife; she is not yours. And she is not a wife. A wife is a function! That is not her totality; she is many more things. She is not finished by being a wife. She may be a painter, she may be a singer, she may be a dancer. She may be a thousand and one things! Why call her just a wife? 'Wife' is just a function.

 

You also are not just a husband. You are many more things. 'Husband' is just a function, and a very ugly word at that. You call the farmers, their farming, 'husbandry'. Why? 'Husband' comes from 'husbandry'. In old times people used to think that man is the farmer and woman is the field -- very ugly words. So man is farming in the field of woman.

 

You are not the farmer, she is not the field; otherwise, the farmer becomes the owner and the field becomes the property. Then you can sell your property. That's what people have done down the ages -- the woman has been thought of as property. Woman is not property, and if you reduce woman to property she will take revenge. And they have taken, and they have taken very perfectly! If you reduce a woman to being just a property, she will reduce you to being just a hen-pecked servant, not even a husband. That's what she has done. Your so-called brave men are brave only outside; when they come home they are just like tiny mice!

 

Somebody was saying to Mulla Nasruddin, "Why are you so afraid of your wife?" because he was leaving the party early. It was not early, it was midnight, but others were staying and dancing and drinking and doing things and he wanted to leave. Somebody said, "Why do you want to leave the party so early? Why are you so afraid of your wife? Are you a man or a mouse?"

 

And Mulla said, "I am a man -- because my wife is afraid of mice!"

 

That's how things have happened. They have taken a subtle revenge. Of course, their way is very feminine; they have not taken revenge directly. Women function in a very subtle way -- indirectly. They call you master -- SWAMI -- they touch your feet, and you know perfectly well and everybody knows who is the master and who is touching the feet.

 

This is an ugly state of affairs. If you get tired, it is natural. Get out of it. But I'm not saying leave your wife. Drop the idea that she is your wife, and drop the idea that you are her husband. Be friends -- that's MORE than enough! And be meditative, drop the mind. And suddenly you will see life has started flowing again.

 

-Osho, "Zen: The Path of Paradox, Vol. 3, #2, Q5“