Question 2
Osho,
Oh that i could have died of the shame that you've been nauseated by me...
Thank you for such a drastic reason to give up non-vegetarian habits. it hasn't arisen out of my own awareness yet and i suspect this was my conditioning. my childhood was ruled by jewish dietary laws and rituals -- there were so many foods forbidden by my father, forbidden by his fathers for the so-called chosen people.
Maybe an external, non-existential morality imposed on my early years blunted my sensitivity?
But now it hurts so much to have nauseated you. this decision and a small light fill me.
Pradeepa, it is not that you nauseated me, something in you... And, of course, you are unconscious, that is why I have been so drastic and hard on you -- so that you can become conscious of it. Just a habit.... And when a person is born in a non-vegetarian family it is natural to learn the ways of the family, just as vegetarians learn the ways of a vegetarian family. Both are unconscious. And I don't give any value to the unconscious vegetarian -- he is not superior to the unconscious non-vegetarian -- because both are unconscious. Only consciousness has value. If you are consciously vegetarian then there is some value in it, otherwise there is no value.
In India there are so many vegetarians -- unconscious, just because by accident they were taught vegetarianism in their childhood. They have learned it. You have learned, in the same way, non-vegetarian habits. You are both alike. There is no difference -- not at all -- not even the difference of an inch. Unconsciousness is unconsciousness. What you do out of unconsciousness is a robotlike phenomenon.
I had to hit so hard on Pradeepa's head so that she could become a little more alert. I hit you only because I love you. And remember, the more meditative you become the more nauseating your non-vegetarian habits will become. When a new person comes to me, a person who has not meditated, who has no intimacy with me, no love for me, who is not close to me, his vibe is not nauseating to me. Why? -- because his whole vibe is the same. But when a person starts meditating, starts becoming more and more silent -- as is happening to Pradeepa, her energy is moving in beautiful dimensions -- now a disparity will be felt.
It is like on white cloth just a small speck of dirt will show; on black cloth it won't show. When your whole being is unconscious and there is no silence and all is noise, you can be non-vegetarian. It will not make much difference, it will not show -- there is no contrast to show it up. You can be a cannibal and it will not show. But when you start getting clean, some space inside becomes fresh, young, natural, some part of you becomes clear, is purified, then the dirt shows. Then even small things will show.
Pradeepa, you should be happy that I could see it so clearly that something inside you, just out of old habit, was poisoning your whole being. You will take a great leap. Your growth will be immensely enhanced.
I am here only to facilitate your growth, and I will do everything that I can do. If a shock is needed, I will shock you. If you need hammering on the head, I will hammer you. Whatsoever is needed has to be done -- nothing has to be left undone. All possible methods have to be tried, because your entanglements with the past are deep; there are many many sources, and they will have to be cut. Slowly slowly you will arise out of your past completely free. That shock can become a transformation in you. I hope that it has already changed you. And I hope that next time you come to me that vibe will have disappeared.
But you will have to remain conscious. Old habits die hard; they persist. And remember, you cannot deceive me. Your mind can say, 'If once in a while you eat non-vegetarian food how is Osho going to know?' It is not so. If you do something your whole vibe will express it: your guilt will show it, your shame will show it, your face will show it. You will not be flowing when you are close to me -- you will be afraid you may be caught again.
And remember, I am not against non-vegetarian foods for any other reasons. If a man is not meditating, if a man is not trying to grow inwards, if a man is not in search of God, then it is perfectly okay -- he can eat whatsoever he wants to eat. The higher you are trying to reach, the more and more you will have to drop any unnecessary luggage. Only then you can fly. This is unnecessary luggage.
But remember, it is not that you have nauseated me, it is just an unconscious habit in you that has nauseated me. And you are not your habit. The habit can be dropped, and you will come closer to me and you will be able to receive more of my love. And you don't know how much I have to give to you; you only know that much which you receive. And you receive only that much which you CAN receive. Become more and more capable of receiving more and more. There is no end to it. This place can become your absolute fulfilment.
- Osho, "The Secret of Secrets, Vol 1, #14"